Randy, Sharon, and Shelley Marsh
Announcer and David
Weathers amd Johnson
Russians 1, 2, 3
|[The outskirts of Moscow, day. A silhouetted figure is walking away from the city, tightly wrapped to protect against the icy wind and snow. He's dressed for a winter hike. He finds a bar and opens the door, and a bunch of angry Russian faces look back at him. The bar is dimly lit. The figure goes inside and closes the door. He loosens his scarf and lowers his hood. It's PC Principal.]|
|PC Principal:||Alright everyone, listen up. I don't know about you, but I for one am sick and tired of hate speech that serves to marginalzie others.|
|Russian 1:||[balding, with facial stubble] Is it him?|
|Russian 2:||[with mustache] Yes, it's him. PC Principal.|
|PC Principal:||[wallks up to the counter and puts his pickax aside, and drinks the glass of water waiting for him] You know, if there's one thing that makes me sick, it's when a race thinks they're superior and don't know how to check their privilege. [a Russian walks up to him and lays a hand on his shoulder. PC Principal responds with a right hook. A second Russian attacks, and PC Principal respondds with a knee to the chest and slams him onto a table, which shatters under him. PC Principal then stands over him and stomps on his face, shattering his head to pieces. A third Russian lunges at him with a knife, but he kicks that Russian in the face, then delivers a head butt and snaps his neck in half. The remaining Russians back away. A fourth Russian attacks him, but he breaks that Russian's arm and punches him away. A fifth one attacks, and he punches him away. A sixth one attaacks with a cue stick, but PC Principal snaps the stick in two and jabs the thick end into the Russian's right eye. A seventh one takes a shot at him, but he takes the gun and jabs the ax into the Russian's head. An eighth Russian walks up to him, but throws his hands up when PC Principal aims the gun at him.]|
|Russian 3:||I'm not one of them! I'm not one of them!|
|PC Principal:||An African-American flips a turtle over on its back. A transgender Filipino comes and sees the helpless turtle baking in the sun. What color is the Filipino's father? [The Russian doesn't know how to answer] I didn't think you were human. [the Russian lunges at him, but he fires off four shots through the Russian's head and kicks him in the face. He then notices his ax and pulls it out of the seventh Russian's head. He turnss around and walks out of the bar.]|
|[South Park Elementary, day. The kids mill around in the hallway. Bebe goes to her open locker, Wendy walks her way, Craig and Tweek walk by holding hands.]|
|Butters:||[still in his halo, talking to Charlotte on his iPhone] Yeahh, everybody's pretty freaked out over here, baby. Everyone is on edge and feelin' really nervous.|
|Charlotte:||That sounds terrible. Be careful, Butters.|
|Butters:||I will, honey.|
|Kyle:||Butters. [Butters' smile vanishes] Get to the bathroom. Now. [Butters is a bit alarmed]|
|[The boys' restroom, later. Kyle is inside and locks the door. He turns to see the other four boys - Stan, Cartman, Butters, and Kenny]|
|Stan:||Alright Kyle, what's this about?|
|Kyle:||I know the whole story. PC Principal killed him, and tried to kill Leslie, but she got away.|
|Kenny:||(Are you fuckini' serious, dude?)|
|Kyle:||PC Principal is part of a huge network of radicals who kill everyone who doesn't follow their PC ideology.|
|Stan:||How do you know all this?|
|Kyle:||Because Leslie's with me. I'm keeping her safe.|
|Butters:||Heh, [sing-song] Kyle's got a girlfriend?|
|Kyle:||It gets worse. Someone in this town helped these people come here. That person faked the Bill Cosby joke to get Principal Victoria fired.|
|Cartman:||Who would use a Cosby joke to push their own agenda?|
|Kyle:||I think it's obvious. Stan's dad.|
|Kyle:||Stan, your dad is one of them. He had to be the one to let them in.|
|Stan:||[gets in his face] You're letting paranoia and suspicion get the better of you! [walks past him, opens the doots, and walks out]|
|Kyle:||There's no way to know who we can trust.|
|Cartman:||So what do we do now?|
|Kyle:||There's only one thing we cam do. [turns around] We have to get guns.|
|Kyle:||It's the only way for us to be safe.|
|Cartman:||Kyle, even if we thought it would help protect us, how are we all gonna get our hands on guns?|
|[The neighborhood park, day. The boys are on the basketball court checking out their new guns.]|
|Cartman:||Alright, cool, we got guns. So now what?|
|Kenny:||(Now we need to steal a car and escape)|
|Butters:||I already feel a lot safer.|
|Kyle:||You guys lay low and watch your backs. I'm gonna go keep Leslie protected.|
|Cartman:||Hey! Don't fall too hard, partner. [Kyle smiles and walks off. Cartman poses with his gun] Do I look sweet, Butters?|
|[The Marsh house, dinner. The whole family is present, eating chicken, mashed potatoes, carrots, and garlic bread. Stan looks up at Randy, then gets angry. Randy notices and looks back, then gets in his face]|
|Sharon:||Can you pass the garlic bread, Randy?|
|Randy:||Why wouldn't I be able to pass the garlic bread? [picks up the bowl and offers it to her. She takes takes some bread from it, and he sets it back where it was.]|
|Stan:||Dad, where were you last night?|
|Randy:||What, wait. Where was I what? Out, with friends, doing things. [wipes his face clean] Well I'm full. I'm gonna go work in the garage for a little bit. [leaves the table]|
|Stan:||Work on what?|
|Randy:||On stuff to do, things. [reaches back and takes some more food.] Um, oh I'm gonna take some of this with me. I'm still hungry.|
|Sharon:||I thought you just said you were full.|
|Randy:||Jee-sus! What? Am I on trial or something? God-damn! [takes the bowl of garlic bread] You guys are really acting strange. [his mouth remains a bit open as he walks away keeping an eye on the family]|
|[The garage, moments later. Randy enters it and closes the door behind him. Mr. Garrison, Principal Victoria, and Caitlyn Jenner wait for him at the workbench]|
|Randy:||Alright, we're good. Nobody suspects a thing. [sets the food on the bench, next to a laptop they're looking at]|
|Mr. Garrison:||Take a look at this.|
|Principal Victoria:||We've got everything from PC Principal's hard drive. He was on to the gentrification around the world, and he was convinced that whatever was responsible... wasn't... human.|
|Randy:||Not human? Then what?|
|Mr. Garrison:||I don't care if they're aliens or vampires, we need to round them up fast and fuck them till they're dead.|
|Caitlyn:||You don't wanna fuck a vampire, you'll get hepatitis.|
|Mr. Garrison:||Oh girlfriend, I'm well beyond that. [Caitlyn giggles]|
|Randy:||Oh my God. Don't you see what this means? If something not human is gentrifying the entire world, soon no human will be ale to afford it. They're trying to price our species out of existence.|
|[ShiTpaTown, day. There are lofts there now, just as in SoDoSoPa, and the camera zooms in on one in particular... Nathan and Jimmy are seated around a coffee table in the loft]|
|Nathan:||Well?How do you like my new apartment?|
|Jimmy:||What hapened to you, Nathan? I always thought you were a nice kid. Now you've got a gun?|
|Nathan:||Huh. Everyone's gettin' one of these now, Jim. Nobody knows whom to trust.|
|Jimmy:||Yeah? Well guns are never the answer.|
|Nathan:||Don't you kinda wish you'd had one back when Leslie betrayed you and nearly beat you to death?|
|Jimmy:||Oh. I guess it would have been a decent answer then. Tou-t-t-t.. touché.|
|Nathan:||You see, I've got expensive tastes, Jimmy. I like good food. [leaves his chair and walks around] Organic pressed juices. And I've got a thing for high-class prostitutes. [stands next to a black woman who's buffing her nails with an emery board.] Have you been introduced to my current girlfriend?|
|Classi:||My name is Classi, with an I, and a little dick hanging off the C that bends around and fucks the L out of the A S S.|
|Jimmy:||Nice to meet you, Classi.|
|Nathan:||all I had to do was work for the ads and I got everything I wanted. My own loft, with all of ShiTpaTown right at my doorstep. All it took was some PC and the whole thing was set in motion.|
|Jimmy:||Oh great. So now ads are using PC for their own gain? That's a new low.|
|Nathan:||What is PC but a verbal form of gentrification? Spruce everything up, get rid of all the ugliness in order to ccreate a false sense of paradise. Only one thing can actually live in that world. Ads.|
|Jimmy:||I know I've said it before, but man, do I hate ads.|
|[Cartman's house, night. He's in the living room watching a movie and eating chips on the sofa. The lights come on and Liane appears at the foot of the stairs]|
|Liane:||Eroc Cartman, I told you to get ready for bed!|
|Cartman:||Yeah, I just wanns finish this movie.|
|Liane:||No, Eric! This is a school night!|
|Cartman:||Mom, I'm into this movie. I'm not going to bed right now. Chillax.|
|Liane:||You most certainly are! Right now, mister!|
|Cartman:||I will go to bed [stands up and aims his gun at her] when this movie is over, Mom!|
|Liane:||Eric, where did you get that?|
|Cartman:||Turn off the light and go back to bed. I'm staying up.|
|Liane:||Eric, you march right up to your room, and you-|
|Cartman:||I don't think so, Mom.|
|Liane:||Eric, you get your butt to bed!|
|Cartman:||No means no, Bill Cosby!|
|Liane:||[draws a gun on him] I told you to go upstairs right now!|
|Cartman:||Whoa, Mom, what the hell?|
|Liane:||I'm not going to tell you again, Eric! It is time... for night-night!|
|Cartman:||Mom, put down the gun.|
|Liane:||[advances on him] I am your mother, and you will do what I tell oyu!|
|Cartman:||Okay, I am going. [walks around her, keeping his gun trained on her.]|
|Liane:||Well then, you go right now, Mister! [keeps her gun trained on him]|
|Cartman:||I'm going to bed now, Mom. Chillax. [begins to gp up the stairs backward.]|
|Liane:||Alright then. No comic books, just straight to sleep! I love you, sweetie.|
|Cartman:||Okay, I love you too, Mom. Night-night. [the sound of a door closing is heard]|
|Liane:||[careeses her pistol] Wow, he... he listened. [puts it into her robe pocket and walks towards the kitchen]|
|[Randy's garage. day. He's in there with Victoria, Garrison, and Caitlyn]|
|Randy:||There has to be something. Some clue as to what we're dealing with.|
|Principal Victoria:||The news stories PC Principal researched are all so contradictory, as if whatever these things are have control over the news somehow.|
|Randy:||That sounds like vampires to me.|
|Principal victoria:||We have to find out who had me fired with the Cosby joke. It's the key to knowing what we're dealing with.|
|Stan:||Principal victoria? [the adults take notice] Mr. Garrison? Caitlyn Jenner?|
|Randy:||Stan, what the hell are you doing in here?|
|Stan:||Tell me what's going on, Dad?|
|Randy:||Nothing. We're just hanging out, talking about Coldplay, alright?|
|Stan:||[pulls out his gun and aims it at the adults. The adults hold their hands up] No! I wanna know whatr the hell is going on right now!|
|Randy:||What are you doing with that?|
|Stan:||Kyle said I couldn't trust you! What are you planning, Dad?|
|Randy:||Stan, it isn't what you think.|
|Stan:||Then what is it?!|
|Randy:||Look, I need to show you something, okay? You need to see this, son. [slowly reaches into his back pocket as Stan watches intensely, whips out his gun and aims it at Stan] Ohh! Psych! Now put the fucking gun down, bitch!|
|Stan:||I'm gonna go tell Mom!|
|Randy:||Oh yeah? You go tell her! I'll tell her you had a gun! You'll be in more trouble than me! [Stan looks to the door, then at Randy] Stan! I am your dad. Put the gun down and sit over there.|
|Stan:||[runs out of the garage] Mom!|
|Randy:||Shit! [runs after him]|
|[An aircraft carrier at sea. A helicopter drops down onto it and three sailors arrive to greet it. Other sailors stand nearby. The helicopter door opens and PC Principal, in handcuffs, is escorted out by two soldiers.]|
|Weathers:||Took a lot to hunt you down, PC Principal. You mind tellin' me why you're goin' around the world shootin' up revitalized arts and foods districts?|
|PC Principal:||You wouldn't believe me if I told you.|
|PC Principal:||[faces him] I don't know what they are, but they used me and others like me to try and change this planet.|
|Weathers:||You don't know what "who" are?|
|Johnson:||Sir! The President is on the phone. Gw wants to talk to you abour PC Principal. [PC Principal looks at him as Weathers gets the phone]|
|Weathers:||Yes, Mr. President? I see, sir. Yyyes,, I understand. [lowers the phone and relays the President's orders] We're to release him immedidately, no questions asked. And we're not supposed to believe anything he tells us. [the helicopter soldiers come and take the cuffs off him]|
|PC Principal:||Huh, ain't that a peach?|
|Weathers:||He's being set free now, Mr. President. Can I tell the commander why?|
|Leslie:||[in President Obama's voice] This is a matter of national security. [the camera pulls back to show that she's at the Park Motel]|
|Weathers:||I understand, sir.|
|Leslie:||Thank you. God bless you.|
|Weathers:||God bless you too, sir.|
|Leslie:||May God bless the United States of America. [hangs up and puts her phone away, then leaves the bathroom. Kyle is waiting outside]|
|Kyle:||Are you okay?|
|Leslie:||Yeah, just feeling butterflies. And my hands are freezing!|
|Kyle:||Here. [holds her hands to warm them up]|
|Leslie:||Thank you, Kyle. [smiles]|
|Kyle:||Don't worry, Leslie. I won't let anything happen to you. [smiles back and blinks]|
|[The Marsh house. day. He has his gun drawn. Behind him are the living room, Victoria, Garrison, and Caitlyn.]|
|Randy:||I'm warning you: you're on the wrong side of this! We're just trying to get answers!|
|Sharon:||[has a gun drawn on Randy] You pulled a gun on our son, Randy!|
|Randy:||He pulled one on me first, Sharon!|
|Stan:||Because you wouldn't talk to me, Dad!|
|Randy:||[aims his gun at Stan] Stanley, let your mother and I deal with this!|
|Sharon:||I told you to leave him alone!|
|Shelley:||God I hate this family! [pulls out her own gun and aims it at Sharon] Why are you always taking Stan's side?!
||Randy:||[shifts his aim from Stan to Shelley] Whoa! Whoa, Shelley! Put down the gun, Shelley!
||Shelley:||You're always acting like Stan can't do anything wrong!
||Stan:||[shifts his aim from Randy to Shelley] She doesn't always take my side!
||Shelley:||[turns and aims at Stan] You shut up or I swear to God I'll use this!
||Randy:||Shelley, put it down, now!
||Shelley:||[shifts her aim to Randy] You don't even try to know me, Dad!
||Randy:||I want to, Shelley! I just sometimes feel like you hate me!
||Sharon:||I feel like you hate me, Randy!
||Randy:||[shifts his aim from Shelley to Sharon] I don't hate you, I love you! I need to be a etter husband, [aims at Stan, who aims back] a better father! [shifts his aim to Shelley]
||Stan:||We all need to be better to each other! [Shelley shifts her aim to Stan, then to Randy, and then to Sharon]
||Shelley:||Okay, maybe I need to stop being so angry!
||Randy:||[lowers his gun] I love you guys. [Sharon lowers her gun]
||Stan:||[lowers his gun] We love you too, Dad. [Shelley lowers hers] We just wanna know what's going on with you.
||Randy:||Alright. I'll tell you everything. [caresses his gun] Wow, these things are amazing. [all the while Grandpa Marvin just ate. He didn't pull out a gun, and none was pulled on him.]
||[Jimbo's Guns, day. He's getting a lot of custoners. Thomas and Laura Tucker enter. Inside are the Stotch, the Stevens, the Testaburger, and the Rodriguez parents. Clyde is there with his dad. Jimbo is behind the main counter, Ned is behind a side counter. An elderly woman approaches Jimbo]
||Jimbo:||Alright, Mrs. Farnicle, enjoy, and remember: if the safety's on, you're good as gone. [Mrs. Farnicle leaves with her purchase] Okay, and next customer, please. [Officer Barrady, in civilian clothes, steps up with his purchase] Hah, going for the big one, huh? You must be feeling extra jumpy.
||Officer Barbrady:||You don't know the half of it.
||Jimbo:||[prepares the shotgun for him] Well, this thing should make you feel more at ease. You know, you oughtta check out the gun show.
||Officer Barbrady:||The gun shhow?
||Jimbo:||[pulls up a sign and shows it to him] Yeah, it's gonna have everything! And with guns bein' so popular, practically everyonen in town is gonna be in attendance!
||Officer Barbrady:||The entire town in one location? [this spooks him] Oh my God!
||[A Park Motel bathroom. Leslie is inside on the phone]
||Leslie:||The principal has become our biggest problem. We need a news headline that will draw him back to town.
||Nathan:||[in his loft, away from Jimmy] Oh, you're gonna sponsor my content some more, baby? I'm all ears.
||[The Lofts at ShiTpaTown. While Nathan talks to Leslie on the phone, Jimmy chats up Classi]
||Jimmy:||I've got to get to the Super School News. Hey, Classi, you think you can get me my crutches?
||Classi:||Mah, I don't think Nathan would like that.
||Jimmy:||You seem like a reasonable person. Do you really wanna live in a world controlled by ads? I mean, come on, Classi.
||Classi:||No. It's C-Lasssi, with an I. The little dick that hangs off the C fucks the L out of thte ASS. CL-ASSSI.
||Jimmy:||Sorry, my bad. Look, I'm a news reporter, Claaassi, and in a world where ads control the news, there's no way to be sure anyone is ever hearing the truth.
||Classi:||Truth about what?
||[A Park Motel room. The blinds are drawn and Kyle peeks through the slats]
||Leslie:||We can't just hide, Kyle. We have to let people know PC is the enemy before it's too late.
||Kyle:||Leslie, we don't know who is on their side. We have to stay safe.
||Leslie:||The principal is going to try and make up some crazy story. That's what PC people do. You have to get inf ront of everyone and tell them what you've learned.
||Kyle:||I... [turns aside and walks off] gave up giving speeches.
||Leslie:||But why? I came to you because I had heard how good you were at getting messages across. That and because... [smiiles] I thought you were cute.
||Kyle:||I'm sure I'd have no problem giving a speech if you could be by my side.
||Leslie:||Well... I can't go with you, you know. It's too dangerous.
||Kyle:||Not if we go somewhere that's completely safe from any violence.
||Kyle:||The gun show.
||Kyle:||There'll be so many guns that nothing bad can happen.
||[The Marsh house. Randy has brought the laptop to the table. Victoria, Garrison, and Caitlyn join him around the dining room table as Shelley and Grandpa eat, and all their guns are on the table]
||Sharon:||Someone purposely had Principal Victoria replaced with a new principal?
||Randy:||Yes. They wanted to use his PC as a means to start gentrification in our town.
||Mr. Garrison:||That'w why we thought PC Principal was behind it. But now we know they were just using his PC abilities to service their own needs.
||Randy:||When the pussy-crusher story came out in Super School News, it started to make PC Principal question himself. He started digging for answers. They didn't like that, so they tried to distract and mislead him. With this. [the distractions begin] Sorry, that's an ad for McDonald's, hold on. With... this. Ogh. N, oh, there's that ad again. God these things are annoying. Anyways, whatever these beings are, they try to keep anyone from knowing theh truth from= [another poopup ad] Ugh, I don't wanna see a slideshow. PC Principal said something was trying to divert and distract his subconscious mind with this. [The US-Thailand article comes up, with the accompanying State Farm ad. Stan gets a good look at it]
||Stan:||Wait... That's Leslie. [walks away from the table] Oh my God... It's Kyle.
||Stan:||Kyle has been protecting Leslie. They're together. He's been making everyone feel paranoid and saying you're the enemy, Dad.
||Randy:||[rises from his chair] Well then, it's time to go ask Kyle why he sold out his own kiind.
||Principal Victoria:||How will we get him to talk?
||Randy:||We're going to kill him with kindness. But instead of kindness we're going to use guns.
||Randy:||Come on, let's go! [everyone grabs a gun and heads out the front door. Randy looks at Shelley] Shelley, you take care of Grandpa!
||Shelley:||Oooo-kay! [aims her gun at Marvin's head and Randy realizes what she's doing]
||Randy:||Nonono, don't shoot Grandpa, just literally take care of him. [follows the others outside and hops into Caitlun's car with them.]
||Caitlyn Jenner:||Buckle up, backaroos! [starts the car, backs out of the driveway, and runs over an elderly woman and her dog. The dog is unscathed, but the woman is dead and mangled up]
||[The Lofts at ShiTpaTown. Nathan walks up to Jimmy and hands him a copy of the school paper for tomorrow]
||Nathan:||Here it is, Jimmy. Hot off the presses.
||Jimmy:||What is that?
||Nathan:||The newest editiion of Super School News, hitting the streets tomorrow.
||Jimmy:||Tragedy at gunshow? What happened at the gun show?
||Nathan:||Not what happened, what's going to happen. The final sweeping underneath the rug. By this time tomorrow nobody will be asking questions ever again. The ads will have won. And I will be... The man.
||Classi:||I think the ads are playin' yo' ass.
||Nathan:||[slaps her across the face] Shut up Classiii!
||Classi:||Oh heeelllllll no!
||Classi:||Oh hell no! Yo' Down's Symdrome ass just slappd me! I'mo break your dick off! [picks him up and slams him into the glass wall that doubles as a window]
||Nathan:||Hang on, Classi, I'm sorry.
||Classi:||[pumches him] I will bust yo' fuckin' ass! [pumches him] I will bust yo' fuckin' nose. I ain't no Mimsy, asshole! [pumches him] I'm a clasy bitch! [pumches him] And I do not! [pumches him] Want ads! [pumches him] Controllin' my news! [pumches him. He groans as she lets him drop to the floor and walks away. She brings Jimmy's crutches to Jimmy]
||Jimmy:||Classi! Thank you.
||Classi:||You need my help? You got it!
||Jimmy:||I need your phone to call Officer Barbrady. And we have to get to that gun show, fast!
||Classi:||Quick! To the Classi mobile! [they leave the loft and hop into her car, and finally drive away]
||[The South Park Gun Show. The show's sign and trophy are shown onscreen.]
||Announcer:||Welcome back to the South Park Gun Show. We've had over 2000 gorgeous guns come through this arena today. It's been whittled down to seven, the winners from each group. David, take us down theh line. [the seven are: Stephen Stotch, Fr. Maxi, Mayor McDaniels, Jimbo Kern, Linda Black, Ryan Valmer, and Richard Adler]
||David:||First we have the beautiful Yorkshire 33mm with proud owner Stephen Stotch.
||Announcer:||An absolutely gorgeous gun, David.
||David:||The playful and lovely Australian semiautomatic owned by Father Maxi.
||Announcer:||And there's the Mayor with her delightful Rhodesian ridgeback shotgun-rifle mix.
||David:||That's a favorite of the crow here. Always a favorite at these shows.
||Cartman:||That's a nice gun right there.
||David:||The judge now asking to see that Yorkshire 33mm up close.
||Announcer:||And there it is, just a beautiful gun in motion. Everybody loves it. [Stephen starts to prance aroundn with it, then returns to his mark. The crowd applauds its approval.] Looks like the judge wants to take another look at that shotgun-rifle mix. [The Mayor takes out a clicker and prances around with her shotgun-rifle mix. She returns to her mark and Jimbo takes his turn]
||David:||And next up will be the-
||Randy:||Nobody move! [enters the arena with Garrison, Victoria, Caitlyn, Sharon, and Stan]
||Mr. Garrison:||Everyone just stay where you are!
||Announcer:||And it looks like the gun show is under attack, David. [everyone in attendance gets their guns and arms them.]
||David:||Yes, six armed gunmen have entered the arena, one of which is carrying an absolutely gorgeous little Pekingese Glock 17.
||Randy:||Listen to me, everyone! There are beings who are purposely gentrifying the Earth so that humans canno longer afford it! We've been looking for Kyle Broflovski! Somebody's hiding him! [the spectators begin pointing guns at each other]
||Kyle:||[enters the arena at the far end with Leslie] Don't listen to them! The real conspiracy here are the PC extremists who have no problem killing whoever doesn't think like they do! [faces Stan] You sun of a bitch Stan! How could you have sided with the enemy?!
||Stan:||Fuck you, Kyle! You're the enemy!
||Jimmy:||[enters the arena at the near end] You both got it wrong. [he's wtih Classi and Barbrady]
||Mr. Garrison:||Officer Barbrady?
||Sharon:||[aims her gun at randy] Randy??
||Jimmy:||Kyle, I know you probably thought Leslie was a kind, caring girl. But the truth is she's just an ad.
||Officer Barbrady:||They've become sentient, They've taken human form. You can't tell what's human and what's an ad anymore.
||Mr. Garrison:||Oh, Jeez, are you serious?! How am I supposed to fuck an ad to death?!
||Randy:||Wogh,. flippin' ads! They're such a pain in the ass!
||Kyle:||You told me Jimmy was dead.
||Stan:||So now we know who got Principal Victoria fired!
||Mr. Mackey:||[looks around, then jumps out of his seat] Nobody move! Okay?! Everyone just stay where you are!
||Mr. Mackey:||Yes, I wanted Principal Victoria fired! But I didn't want any of this!
||Principal Victoria:||You got me fired?! Why?!
||Mr. Mackey:||Eightenn years of answeriin' to you! EIGHTEEN YEARS! Of you always... tellin' me what to do!
||Principal Victoria:||If you had problems with me, why didn't you just talk to me?
||Mr. Mackey:||You never listen!! Nobody listens to me! They just expect me to listen to them!
||Gerald:||Maybe we should have realized that sometimes the counselor needs counseling.
||Mr. Mackey:||I don't know, maybe I got manipulated by these ads too somehow but, I should have been a better person!
||Randy:||We all could be better people! All of us! We all played a part!
||Stephen:||Maybe from now on people in this town need to communicate more! Care about each other!
||Mr. Garrison:||If we're gonna defeat our enemies, that's what it's gonna take! All of us, together! [with all the speeches done, they lower their weapoons]
||Randy:||If only we'd had these before, huh?
||Leslie:||now isolated Every time you block us, we get smarter. Every time you try to stop us, we are more. If one plan fails, we will plan another. You will never be rid of ads!
||PC Principal:||HEY LESLIE! [she look to her left] Your species took PC and twisted it for evil purposes. [he runs towards her and drops the mic] THAT PISSES ME OFF! [he reaches her and delivers a right hook, then a left one, then does this again. He picks her up like a rag doll and holds her by the neck] You're expelled. [he delievers a final blow that goes clear through her head, but instead of blood, a day-glow blue liquid oozes out of it]
||Randy:||Well, I guess there's just one last thing to take care of.
||[ShiTpaTown, day. The town has gathered in front of Whole Foods]
||Randy:||Why did it have to be like this?! Why couldn't we try to live on this planet together?! Maybe we're not perfect beings, but we built a better town. We didn't need you to do that! And we'll keep on trying to make it better!
||Sharon:||Randy, you're yelling at a Whole Foods.
||Randy:||Go on, get outta here! We know! Others will know! [holds up the latest edition of the Super School News, which has Leslie on the front page under the headline "YOUR FRIEND MIGHT BE AN AD"] It isn't going to be so easy! Not anymore! [the ground begins to rumble underfoot and the sidewalk begins to crack open. The Whole Foods lifts off like a flying saucer, turns around, and flies away]
||[A flagpole, somewhere]
||PC Principal:||Alright everyone, listen up. I don't know about you, but I for one am sick and tired of all the hate speech and micragressions against our species. [a series of popup ads floats by] We have a new enemy out there. An almost invisible foe that is so bigoted, so racially biased they actually think we should all die. [a boy is shown at his computer at home, watching as ads fill his monitor] They are trying to attract our youth using tactics that are underhanded and unfair. [PC Principal is shown holding a school assembly as he had in earlier episodes] But no matter how hard they hit us, we cannot let them take from us our PC. And so I have been asked to stay on as your principal. A lot of changes will happen in the coming months. [Caitlyn puts a Garrison/Jenner pin on Mr. Garrison's lapel and straightens his tie. Then they bump fists and Garrison goes onstage] The bottom line is that the only thing that distinguishes those who want to kill us from those who don't is that we have the burning desire for social justice. We are at war, but the only way to win this war is to be as understanding, non-biased, and politically correct as possible.
||Stan:||This is going to be really hard.
||[End of PC Principal: Final Justice.]