Sharon and Randy Marsh
Gerald and Sheila Broflovski
Chris and Linda Stotch
Richard and Mrs. Tweek
Museum of Tolerance Tour Guide
Veritzen's Tolerance Camp Warden and soldiers
Two Girls in Porto Potty
Various Men at the Courageous Teacher award presentation
|[Principal Victoria's office, day. Her door opens.]|
|Mr. Garrison:||[enters with Mr. Hat on his hand] You wanted to see me, Principal Victoria?|
|Principal Victoria:||Yes, Mr. Garrison. Have a seat. [Mr. Garrison takes a seat] Mr. Garrison, sometime ago you asked to be promoted from teachng kindergarten back to the third grade.|
|Mr. Garrison:||[flatly] I'm aware of that.|
|Principal Victoria:||I wanna come clean with you and tell you that back then some of us were uncomfortable with your sexual preferences. It was wrong of us, and I want to make it up to you.|
|Mr. Garrison:||Wow, that's... really great to hear.|
|Principal Victoria:||As you know, the position of Fourth Grade teacher has become available, and we'd like to off YOU the job.|
|Mr. Garrison:||[brightens] Oh, for real? You're not kidding?|
|Principal Victoria:||We in administration see now that you are an individual with your own preferences, and we respect that.|
|Mr. Garrison:||[rises from the chair with excitement] Hoh, this is all just... this is a dream come true! [shakes her hand] Thank you, Principal Victoria! I'll do a great jub!|
|Principal Victoria:||I know you will. [Garrison turns around and walks away smiling]|
|Mr. Garrison:||[turns around] You're sure this is for real? I mean, I'm not gonna just get fired again for being gay tomorrow.|
|Principal Victoria:||[slight chuckle] It's for real, Mr. Garrison.|
|Mr. Garrison:||[slight chuckle, turns around and walks out the door] Oh-ho, great!|
|Principal Victoria:||With all the new laws we could never fire you for being gay now. You'd be able to sue us for millions of dollars.|
|Mr. Garrison:||Right uh- [stops in his tracks at the door's entrance, his smile turns to wonder. He turns around] Wha- ...what was that?|
|Principal Victoria:||Well, I was just saying that the policies have really changed. You know, we fire you for acting gay next time, you'd be able to sue the school district for ...lots of money.|
|Mr. Garrison:||...Oh right, right, right, I... Huh-... how much money, exactly?|
|Principal Victoria:||[busy doing paperwork] Oh. Well, there was the case out in Minnesota where the guy was awarded... 25 million, I think.|
|Mr. Garrison:||Yeh-you don't say. [strokes his chin] Well thanks, uh, Principal Victoria. [walks out and closes the door] Holy Moley! I've gotta find a way to get fired for being gay!|
|[South Park Elementary]|
|Mr. Mackey:||M'kay kids, I know the past few weeks have been really hard with the death of your teacher, Ms. Choksondik. [the kids erupt in laughter]|
|Mr. Mackey:||BUT... the principal has finally hired a teacher to take her place. So I want you all to give your best behavior to your new Fourth Grade teacher, Mr. Garrison. [the door opens and Garrison enters]|
|Mr. Garrison:||Thank you, Mr. Mackey.|
|Mr. Mackey:||[walks toward the door] Good luck, m'kay.|
|Mr. Garrison:||Okay, children, now for those of you whoare new, my name is [writes on the board] Mr. Garrison.|
|Butters:||Where is Mr. Hat, sir?|
|Mr. Garrison:||Well, I was informed that fourth graders are a little too old for Mr. Hat.|
|Kyle:||[rolls his eyes] Two-year-olds are too old for Mr. Hat.|
|Mr. Garrison:||But it's okay because I found a new teacher's assistant. Say hello to... [the door opens again] Mr. Slave. [a strapping man enters. He wears a pink shirt, pale blue jeans; black leather vest, chaps and boots; police hat, strong jaw and moustache, and pouty lips]|
|Mr. Slave:||[preens] Hi kids. Hm.|
|Mr. Garrison:||So that's [writes on the board] Mr. Slave. [Mr. Slave poses] The teacher's assitant. [Mr Slave smoothes his moustache, then his hat] Or, as I like to write for short, the Teacher's Ass.|
|Mr. Slave:||[throws his arms forward] Oh Jesus Christ.|
|Mr. Garrison:||Okay, Mr. Slave. Go sit until I need you. [Mr. Slave goes to sit down. Garrison spanks him as he passes by]|
|Cartman:||[leans towards Craig, who pays attention] Dude, I think that Mr. Slave guy might by a... [glances back] Pakistani.|
|Mr. Garrison:||I'm not saying the rest of the school year will be easy. In fact, it's going to be long and hard. [does motions for both words - the palms facomg each other and pulling apart, then two fists] Really long and really hard. [emphasizes the motions]|
|Mr. Slave:||[at a small teacher's desk reading a magazine] Oh Jesus Christ.|
|Mr. Garrison:||[gleefully] Eheh, the first thing we're gonna be learning about is communist Russia. [erases the name on the board and begins writing the topic, starting with an S]|
|Cartman:||[begins making a paper plane involuntarily] No, Kenny. What are you doing, Kenny?|
|Mr. Garrison:||[finishes writing "STALIN"] Now, Stalin was a big silly when it came to...|
|Cartman:||[finishes the plane and aims it at Mr. Garrison] Kenny, no! Don't do it, Kenny! [fires the plane off. It hits the board and falls away]|
|Mr. Garrison:||[turns around and points] Eric, did you just throw a paper airplane?!|
|Cartman:||No, it was Kenny!|
|Mr. Garrison:||[arms akimbo] Very funny, Eric! Kenny's dead!|
|Stan:||[coming to Cartman's defense] Yeah, but Cartman drank Kenny's remains, and now Kenny's soul is trapped in Cartman's body.|
|The Other Kids:||Yeah.|
|Mr. Garrison:||That does it! I will not put up with foolishness in my class! It's time for punishmenmt! [reaches into his desk and pulls out a paddle, then strikes it against his left palm twice. He walks over to Mr. Slave and has him bend over] Take it Mr. Slave! [swats him three times on the ass]|
|Mr. Slave:||[moves his head around] Oh-oh. Oh it hurts.|
|Mr. Garrison:||I will [swat] NOT put up with [swat] TOMfoolery in my [swat] CLASSroom, children. [stands him up and straps a gag ball around Mr. Slave's face] Mr. Slave, put this rubber ball in your mouth. [bends Mr. Slave over his lap and swats him some more] Take that, Slavey! take it! [the kids look on, stunned. Mr. Garrison continues the swats] This'll get me fired for sure. [smiles]|
|[The Marsh house, afternoon. The Tweeks, the Stotches, the Marshes, the Broflovskis, and Liane are present in the living room, seated around the coffee table.]|
|Gerald:||I really enjoyed the imagery in the last chapter of this month's book.|
|Linda:||Yes, and I really saw the entire book thematically as a take on corporate America.|
|Randy:||Well I think in the fourth chapter, when uh Nancy Drew discovers the bloody glove in the cheerleader's locker, well that uh that was just a brilliantly written passage. [Sharon sips some coffee, a door opens]|
|Gerald:||So full of metaphor.|
|Kyle:||Hey guys, can we talk to you? [with him are Stan, Cartman, Butters, and Tweek]|
|Sheila:||Oh, hi boys.|
|Sharon:||How was school?|
|Kyle:||Uhh, not cool.|
|Sheila:||That's great. We're having our book of the month club meeting, so why don't you boys go outside and play?|
|Linda:||Was it me, or did you all think that Nancy Drew solved the riddle of Elephant Mountain a little too easily? [a burst of chatter follows]|
|Stan:||No, no, he said not cool. We got our new teacher today; it's, it's Mr. Garrison, our old third grade teacher.|
|Kyle:||Well, he has this new teacher's assistant, and uh and they're both... totally gay.|
|Sheila:||Kyle! You know better than to discriminate against homosexuals!|
|Stan:||Yeah but, these guys are really super-gay.|
|Randy:||[displeased] Aw I'm surprised at you, Stanley. I really thought you knew how to accept people for what they were.|
|Sharon:||Yeah, but Dad-|
|Randy:||No buts, Stanley! We're not raising our kids to be discriminators!|
|Sheila:||That's right! I think it's time you kids took a little trip to the Museum of Tolerance! [Gerald crosses his arms. The kids look at each other]|
|[Museum of Tolerance, next day. A really modern building with a fountain by the entrance. The five boys and their parents arrive at the museum]|
|Tour Guide:||[a woman greeting the families inside the museum] Welcome to the Museum of Tolerance. Here we try to educate you on the dynamics of racism and prejudice in America. [Cartman yawns loudly. Liane smacks him across the back of his head]|
|Tour Guide:||[leads them through the museum] Now, did you know that words we use can show intolerance? [leads the group to a tunnel entrance] Let's begin our tour with a walk through our Tunnel of Prejudice, to show you what it can feel like to be discriminated against. [motions for the boys to enter, and the boys enter]|
|Voice:||[the words it says appear on the walls of the tunnel as it says them, then disappear] QUEER. BEANER. CHINK. NIGGER. HEEB. FAGGOT. CRACKER. SLOPE. [the boys are suitably shocked as they move along the tunnel's people mover, but Cartman is grinning from ear to ear]|
|Cartman:||Aw man, this is awesome! ["JAP"]|
|Tour Guide:||[at the other end of the tunnel with the parents] Now you know how it feels.|
|Cartman:||[excited, runs up to the guide] I wanna ride again! I wanna ride again!|
|Tour Guide:||[leads them into the Hall of Stereotypes] We are now entering the Hall of Stereotypes. These wax figures represent how some intolerant people have labled minorities. [leads them to the first exhibit] Here we see a black person eating chicken and watermelon, a stereotype that hurts the African-American community. What other stereotypes do you see here? [the stereotypes are exhibits, each one with its own spotlight]|
|Randy:||[walks up to another exhibit with Stan and Kyle] Ah, here's the Arab as a terrorist. [the Arab is holding a Kalishnikov rifle]|
|Tour Guide:||That's right. But of course, we know that all Arabs are terrorirsts, don we, kids?|
|Butters:||[sees a third exhibit] W-w-well there's an Asian over there with a calculator. [walks over to it. The others follow]|
|Tour Guide:||That's right. Not all stereotypes are negative. But even a positive one like "All Asians are good at math" is harmful to society.|
|Cartman:||[over at a fourth exhibit, a man cowering over a bag of money] Look, a covetous Jew!|
|Tour Guide:||[arrives with the others] Very good, young man. The idea that Jews are only interested in money is very old indeed.
||Randy:||[notices a fifth spotlight and walks to it] Ah, here's a good one. [Stan walks up next to him] It's the stereotypical "sleepy Mexican." [a man sleeps under the spotlight sitting up next to a mop and bucket]
||Janitor:||[wakes up] Wai-what? Oh man, what time is it? [stands up and rubs the back of his neck]
||Randy:||[in a low voice] Oh I'm sorry. I thought you were a wax sculpture.
||Janitor:||Naw, man. I'm the janitor. I'm s'pose to be cleaning but I'm so tire. Ongh, so sleepy. [walks off with the mop and bucket]
||Tour Guide:||[leads them into the Tolerance Discovery Lab] This is our discovery wing. Take your time at the computer displays [they measure tolerance I.Q.], because you see, being tolerant you must also respect people who are small, people who are disabled, even people who are overweight, [moves her arms towards Cartman] like this young man here.
||Tour Guide:||You other boys have probably called this young man names like "tubby," or "lardbutt," or "fat tits,"...
||Kyle:||"Fat tits." That's a good one.
||Stan:||Yeah, I have to remember that.
||Tour Guide:||But you must learn to be tolerant of his differences as well. If he chooses to eat fatty foods, that's his life choice.
||Cartman:||[strokes his chin and tries something out] I'm not fat, I have a different life choice.
||Tour Guide:||And we won't belittle you for eating lots of cookies and cakes and pies.
||Cartman:||Duhuhude, tolerance kicks ass! [the adults chuckle]
||Randy:||That's our Cartman. [Cartman grins]
||[Museum of Tolerance, outside.]
||Tour Guide:||Well, that's the end of our tour.
||Randy:||Now do you see why tolerance is so important, boys?
||Tour Guide:||We have to accept people for who they are and what they like to do. [notices someone nearby] Hey! What the hell are you doing? [it's a man smoking on the edge of the fountain]
||Smoker:||Oh I was just uh-
||Tour Guide:||There's no smoking in the museum!
||Smoker:||But I'm not in the museum.
||Tour Guide:||Get out of here, you filthy smoker! [the smoker rises and walks off]
||Gerald:||Yeah, dirty lungs!
||Sharon:||Go ahead and kill yourself, stupid tar-breath!
||Richard:||Get out of here! [the smoker walks out of view]
||Tour Guide:||Well, have a great day, everybody.
||Chris:||Now you boys can go and give your teacher and assistant the respect they deserve. Right?
||[South Park Elementary, day, Garrison's class. Mr. Garrison enters, having previously set up a chemistry experiment on the teacher's desk.]
||Mr. Garrison:||Okay, children, let's take our seats. Uh, apparently, none of you tried to get me fired yesterday, so I guess we're just gonna have to go on and learn more today. [sits on a corner of the desk] Now who can tells me what happens to water when we heat it up in the Bunsen burner?
||Mr. Garrison:||Good, Butters. Now if we take the glass tube of the Bunsen burner, we can also see how other things react. [takes the tube in hand and walks over to Mr. Slave] Evaporation is an exothermic reaction, so let's look at an endothermic one. Mr. Slave, position 7 please. [Mr. Slave looks up from his magazine, then assumes the position over his little desk and lowers his pants enough to show his ass] Now I'm gonna put the glass tube under Mr. Slave's tight ass. [steps backwards and inserts the tube. Mr. Slave starts to moan] The heat from Mr. Slave's ass will act as our new conductor of energy
||Mr. Garrison:||Okay, now Butters, could you bring over Lemmiwinks for me please?
||Butters:||Sure. [smiles and goes to get Lemmiwinks]
||Stan:||[sensing what's about to happen] Oh, no, noo, no no no no.
||Mr. Garrison:||[gets Lemmiwinks from Butters] Newton was the first to discover that for every action there's a reaction - thank you Butters. Now what do you think is gonna happen when I introduce the element of the gerbil to the endothermic heat of Mr. Slave's ass? [the kids are all aghast] Well let's see. [lifts up the Bunsen tube and sends the gerbil on its way down]
||Mr. Slave:||AAH. [the gerbil enters Mr. Slave's lower intestine and comes across the skeleton of another gerbil. It turns back immediately and runs for the anal opening. Mr. Garrison pulls the tube out and the sphincter snaps shut, trapping the gerbil inside. It tries to claw its way out] AAH. [moves his head around] Dude! Jesus Christ! AAH!
||Butters:||[realizing what just happened] Lemmiwinks? NO!
||[South Park Elementary, lunch time. The kids go for their lunches]
||Chef:||Hello there, children!
||The Boys:||Hey Chef.
||Chef:||How's it goin'?
||Stan:||Chef, we're intolerant. [beat]
||Chef:||...Intolerant of who?
||Kyle:||Gays, I guess.
||Chef:||Now why do you wanna go be intolerant of gay people, children? [arms akimbo] I thought you knew better.
||Stan:||Well we didn't think we were, but Mr. Garrison has this new assistant, and we're really uncomfortable around him.
||Chef:||Children, a lot of times the reason get uncomfortable around gay people is that they have some issues themselves. You have to ask yourself, "What is it about their behavior that, for some reason, makes me unconfortable?"
||Kyle:||Well, I guess it's mostly the way Mr. Garrison stuck a gerbil up Mr. Slave's ass.
||Chef:||Right. And you see, children, that's why you need to- Whoa! What?!
||Stan:||Are we homophobes now?
||Kyle:||We don't wanna be gaybashers, Chef.
||Chef:||Children, there's a BIG difference between gay people and Mr. Garrison! Do you understand that??
||Chef:||You children just take your lunches. I'm gonna have a talk with the principal.
||Cartman:||I'll take three lunches today, please.
||Chef:||You don't need three lunches, Eric! You're fat enough as it is!
||:||It is my life choice, Chef, and if you don't tolerate it I'll report you to the SEC. [Chef is puzzled]
||[Fourth Grade classroom. The chemistry equipment has been cleared away from the teacher's desk. Mr. Garrison and Mr. Slave are in the classroom]
||Mr. Garrison:||That was a brilliant idea, having me put a gerbil up your ass, Mr. Slave. [laughs] Now we'll get fired for sure!
||Mr. Slave:||[nonchalantly] Well it wasn't the first small animal I put up my ass.
||Principal Victoria:||[over the P.A. system] Mr. Garrison to the principal's office, please?
||Mr. Garrison:||That's it! They're gonna fire me for being gay! Twenty-five million here we cooome. [shimmies out the door]
||Mr. Slave:||Don't forget, I get half. Oooooh! [feels the gerbil try again to claw its way out of his ass] Oooooh, Jesus Christ. [scratches his ass. The gerbil runs one way, then back to the sphincter. A specter appears and stops the gerbil in its tracks. It's a frog king. The two stand motionless for a few seconds]
||Frog King:||Lemmiwinks, you must find a way out of this place, or you will surely die. [the gerbil just stands there] This way has been closed off by the Great Sphincter. To escape you must journey upward to the dark reaches of the intestine and past the stomach. [the gerbil says nothing] Who am I? Just a friend. Heed my words, Lemmiwinks. Your time is running out. Make for the large intestine. All will be made clear then. [disappears. The gerbil turns around, scratches its chin, and begins its journey]
A great adventure is waiting for you ahead.|
Hurry onward, Lemmiwinks, or you will soon be dead.
The journy before you may be long and filled with woe
But you must escape the gay man's ass so your tale can be told.
Lemmiwinks. Lehehemiwinks Lemmiwinks Lemmiwinks-
|[The principal's office, a few moments later. Mr. Garrison hums as he nears the office door. He enters and stands beside an angry Chef, who has crossed his arms.]
||Mr. Garrison:||You wanted to see me, Principal Victoria?
||Principal Victoria:||Oh yes, uh, Mr. Garrison, have a seat
||Mr. Garrison:||[nudges Chef] Oh dear, sounds like I'm gettin' fired. [hums some more and takes a seat]
||Principal Victoria:||Mr. Garrison, Chef has brought it to my attention that some uh students are a bit... uuuncomfortable about certain aspects of your teaching meathods.
||Mr. Garrison:||[in anticipation, gets melodramatic] Oh no, you're firing me? Oh well, I can't stop being who I am. I can't help the way God made me. Guess I just have to go.
||Principal Victoria:||Nonono we're not firing you.
||Mr. Garrison:||...You're not?
||Principal Victoria:||No, we're sending Chef to a tolerance seminar.
||Chef:||[steps forward] Sending Chef to a tolerance seminar?! You've got to be fuckin' crazy!!
||Principal Victoria:||You demostrate a lack of tolerance for Mr. Garrison's behavior. In fact, I believe you used the words "sick queer" to describe his conduct in class?
||Chef:||He IS a sick queer!!
||Principal Victoria:||I just wanted to give you an opportunity to apologize to Mr. Garrison before I send you away, Chef.
||Chef:||Kiss my black ass!! [Mr. Garrison is surprised]
||[South Park Elenentary, Counselor Mackey's office]
||Mr. Mackey:||Parents, I had to call you in here because your boys have refused to attend class with their homosexual teachers, m'kay?
||Stan:||We're not staying in class another minute with those queermos!
||Randy:||Well I really thought you boys really learned something in the Museum of Tolerance, but apparently all you learned was new words to call your poor teachers!
||Butters:||[still distraught] But they killed Lemmiwinks!
||Chris:||Shut your mouth, Butters! You'll speak when spoken to!
||Chris:||Mr. Mackey, we've done everything we can to raise compassionate children. We don't know where else to turn.
||Mr. Mackey:||Well there is an intensive seminar camp. It's a bit severe, but it might be the only way. M'kay?
||Sharon:||That sounds good to me.
||Sheila:||Then it's settled. Boys, you're going to tolerance camp.
||[Devitzen's Tolerance Camp, black-and-white footage, day. A truck pulls up to the entrance and two guards open the gates. Beyond, kids mill around under the watchful eyes of other guards. A few moments later a guard paces in front of a crowd of kids.]
||Camp Warden:||[sternly] Welcome to tolerance camp. You are here because you would not accept people's differences. [a shot of the kids shows that Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Butters were not the only kids to refuse attending Garrison's class] Because you refuse to accept the life choices of your fellow man. Well those days are now over. Here you vill verk, every hour of every day until you submit to being tolerant of everybody. Here, intolerance... will not be tolerated.
||[South Park Elementary, Garrison's classroom. Mr. Slave is reading his magazine. A few moments later Mr. Garrison storms into the room and slams the door shut]
||Mr. Slave:||How'd it go?
||Mr. Garrison:||This is unbelievable, Mr. Slave! It seems no matter what I do I can't get fired!
||Mr. Slave:||The principal didn't fire you?
||Mr. Garrison:||No! The parents felt so bad that their kids didn't want to attend my class anymore that they wanna give me the Courageous Teacher award this Friday at the Museum of Tolerance!
||Mr. Slave:||Oh, Jesus Christ.
||Mr. Garrison:||I mean, I stuck a gerbil up your ass and they wanna give me a Goddamn medal!
||Mr. Slave:||Well it sounds to me like the principal's just hiding things from everybody. What you need to do is let the parents see what kind of demented faggot you are.
||Mr. Garrison:||Oh well- [stops and thinks] Hey, that's right, Mr. Slave. [paces a bit] The parents have to see for themselves. [snaps his fingers] The awards ceremony! Well we'll put on a show they'll never forget!
||Mr. Slave:||Oohoohoohoo, Jesus Christ. [rubs his belly, and the camera zooms in, cutting to the intestine. Lemmiwinks walks along, and a guitar is heard]
Lemmiwinks' journey, a distance far and fast.|
To find his way out of a gay man's ass.
The road ahead is filled with danger and fright
But push onward, Lemmiwinks, with all of your might.
|Frog King:||[appears again before Lemmiwinks] Lemmiwinks, you are coming to the entrance of the small intestine. Now you must seek out the Sparrow Prince. [disappears. Lemmiwinks walks up the large intestine, going back and forth. Eventually it sees the Sparrow Prince and stops]
The Sparrow Prince lies somewhere way up ahead.|
Don't look back, Lemmiwinks, or you'll soon be dead.
Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks, the time is growing late
Slow down now and seal your fate.
|Sparrow Prince:||I am the Sparrow Prince. Long has my spirit been trapped within this place. Before you lies the maze of the small intestine. One path leads to the stomach, the other to certain doom. Take with you this helmet and torch. [they appear and float toward Lemmiwinks] Let them be your guide. [Lemmiwinks puts it on and continues its journey]
Take the magic helmet torch to help you light the way.|
There's still a lot of ground to cross inside the man so gay.
Ahead you lies adventure, and your strength still lies within.
Freedom from the Ass of Doom is the treasure you will win.
|[Devitzen's Tolerance Camp, black-and-white footage, day. The kids are in a large room the size of an airport hangar. All of them have been doing arts and crafts, as they are dirty with crayons and paint. Each column of tables is being patroled by a guard.]
||Camp Warden:||Today we wll be using the fingerpaint! You vill make a painting that shows people of different races and sexual orientations getting along. Figerpaint. Figerpaint! [the kids get busy fingepainting] You vill not make any distinction between people of different colors! People with different sexual preferences! You vill accept everyone! [stops behind Kyle's right shoulder and swoops down to look at his paper] What are you fingerpainting?!
||Kyle:||Uh, a bear?
||Camp Warden:||Ein bear?! Und bear has nothing to do with accepting people of different races!
||Kyle:||[trembling in fear] Eh I, I don't know what else to paint.
||Camp Warden:||[takes Kyle's paper and rips it up] Start over! [puts his hand on the stack of papers next to Kyle] You will fingerpaint what we tell you! [takes a sheet from the stack and slams it down in front of Kyle] GO! [Kyle starts on a new picture] Faster. [the guard switches to the left shoulder without breaking his stare] Faster! [switches back to the right shoulder and cocks a pistol against Kyle's head] Faasterr.
||Kyle:||Aaaa! [hurries to finish the painting]
||Camp Warden:||Faster! Are you done?! What is it?! What have you done?! [Kyle adds some broad strokes and lifts up the finished work]
||Kyle:||[trembling] People of all colors and creeds holding hands beneath a rainbow!
||Camp Warden:||GOOD! [snatches the paper from Kyle's hand] That wasn't so hard, was it? [rips it up and tosses it away] NOW DO IT AGAIN! [walks off slowly] Faster! [the kids work faster] Faasterr!
||[South Park Elementary, Garrison's classroom. Mr. Garrison talks to Mr. Slave. There are no kids in class, as they've all gone to tolerance camp, apparently]
||Mr. Garrison:||There! I've done it, Mr. Slave. The perfect plan to get us fired. You finished your costume design yet?
||Mr. Slave:||[scribbling on a notepad] Almost. I jast have to get through a su- [grabs his stomach] Uh-huc, Jesus Christ.
||Mr. Garrison:||What's the matter?
||Mr. Slave:||Mm, Just a bit of an upset stomach, I guess.
||Mr. Garrison:||Well here, take a Pepto pill. I can't have my teacher's ass under the weather. [hands Mr. Slave a glass of water and a pill]
||Mr. Slave:||Eugh, Jesus Christ. [takes the pill and swallows it. The camera follows the pill down the esophagus toward the stomach. The pill lands in the pool of acid in the stomach. Lemmiwinks pops up from the pool]
Lemmiwinks came to the stomach far.|
'Neath the depths of the lungs and heart.
|A Catfish:||You chose your path wisely, Lemmiwinks. I am the Catatafish.
Catatafish of the stomach's cove.
||Catatafish:||If you answer this riddle, the esophagus will let you pass.
Catatafish riddle will soom be told.
||[Devitzen's Tolerance Camp, black-and-white footage, day. The kids are now in a different room quietly making macaroni pictures on the floor, but they are all fatigued. The guard walks up to a soldier on a catwalk and talks with him.]
||Camp Warden:||Everything in order?
||Camp Soldier:||Yes, mein Führer. Ve are making the prisoners make macaroni pictures that illustrate diversity in the verkplace.
||Camp Warden:||[looks at a paper with two people shaking hands and with "DIVERSITY" written above them] Eh-xcellent! [down below the kids continue with their pictures.]
||Kyle:||[Suddenly falls on his face] Oh.
||Stan:||Kyle. [helps him up and tries to rouse him] Kyle, you have to keep making your macaroni pictures.
||Kyle:||[limply] Can't... glue... any... more
. [falls on his face again]
||Stan:||The guards are coming, Kyle. Glue. Glue, damn you!
||Camp Warden:||Take this one away. He is done for. [a soldier drags a boy's body along the floor]
||Butters:||No more... arts and crafts...
||Stan:||Jesus... we have to get out of here. [other kids are passed out, some on their backs, some on their stomachs]
||[Devitzen's Tolerance Camp, black-and-white footage, outside. The kids are at play. Cartman walks over to a Porto-Potty and enters, but stops. He looks down into the toilet and finds two girls there in the septic tank]
||Girl 1:||Please don't tell them that we're hiding here.
||Girl 2:||We can't work anymore. We'll die.
||Camp Soldier:||[walking by] Vhat? [closes the door and turns around] Waht?!
||Cartman:||Oh. Uh, nothing. I was just getting back to work.
Vhat is in there?
||Camp Soldier:||Get back to verk.
||Cartman:||[salutes] Yes sir! [the guard walks away] Phew. [opens the door and steps inside, laughing. A few moments later he craps and starts laughing]
||The Girls:||Eww! Eww! Eww! [Cartman craps and laughs some more]
||Cartman:||[exits and alerts any available soldier] Hey, I was kidding. There's actually two girls hiding down there. Hey! [goes to find a soldier]
||[Museum of Tolerance, Friday night. The main hall is set up for the awards ceremony and the guests are seated.]
||Tour Guide:||Tonight we are here to honor an amazing fourth grade teacher with the Courageous Teacher award. [applause] Herbert Garrison came out about two years ago. Since then he has faced adversity. He has even faced ridicule by some of the students.
||Sharon:||Oh Randy, I'm so ashamed of our son.
||Tour Guide:||It is my honor to present the Courageous Teacher award to... Herbert Garrison. [applause. She moves off as Garrison enters riding on Mr. Slave, humming a song. Mr. Garrison wears a towering headdress while Mr. Slave is dressed as a horse. Mr. Slave stops]
||Mr. Garrison:||Get along, little Slave.
||Randy:||Oh my God.
||Gerald:||That's what our boys were talking about?
||Mr. Garrison:||[rings some small bells] Ding-ding, ding-ding.
||Man 1:||[sitting next to Principal Victoria] He is so courageous.
||Mr. Garrison:||[now at the podium, with Mr. Slave standing to his right. He's wearing a purple belt with shiny purple dildo hanging from it] Say, Mr. Slave.
||Mr. Slave:||Yes, Mr. Garrison?
||Mr. Garrison:||I had a dream last night that you were a real dick.
||Mr. Slave:||Really? Why would you dream that I was being an asshole?
||Mr. Garrison:||No no, I was the asshole. [a moment of silence, and more applause]
||Man 2:||[brown hair and mustache] Ogh, that is so courageous.
||Man 3:||[gray hair] What an amazing human being! [Randy and Gerald look at each other in shock]
||Mr. Garrison:||Uh, I uh I'm very happy to get this award. Uh but you know what makes me even happier? Sucking balls.
||Mr. Garrison:||[frustrated, to Mr. Slave] It isn't working. Sing your song, Mr. Slave.
||Mr. Slave:||I've got a little- Oof. [grabs his stomach] Ohoc, Jesus Christ. What's happening in there?
||[Inside Mr. Slave's stomach at that moment, Lemmiwinks has been put into a gyroscope and is ready to be shot up the esophagus and out the mouth. .]
||Frog King:||Hang on, Lemmiwinks! You solved the Catatafish's riddle. Now your trials are nearly through!
||[Outside Mr. Slave's stomach, onstage]
||Mr. Slave:||Oh! I should have never shoved all those poor animals up my ass! [a few moments of thought, and then more applause]
||Man 4:||[black hair] Courageous.
||Man 5:||[behind him, brown hair] So courageous.
||Mr. Garrison:||[frustrated and finally letting loose] God-damnit, don't you people get it?! I'm trying to get fired here! [the applause dies down]
||Man 3:||[softly] Oh, that's courageous.
||Mr. Garrison:||Look, this kind of behavior should not be acceptable from a teacher!
||Mr. Slave:||Yeah, Jesus Christ.
||Man 6:||But the mu-se-um tells us to be to-le-rant
||Man 3:||[stands up and raises his arms] Yes. The mu-se-um.
||Man 7:||[stands up and raises his arms] The mu-se-um tells us.
||Mr. Garrison:||Tolerant, but not stupid! Look, just because you have to tolerate something doesn't mean you have to approve of it! If you had to like it, it'd be called the Museum of Acceptance! [the audience looks on] "Tolerate" means you're just putting up with it! You tolerate a crying child sitting next to you on the airplane or, or you tolerate a bad cold. It can still piss you off! Jesus Tapdancing Christ!
||Randy:||He's right. Our boys didn't hate homosexuals, they just hated the way this asshole was acting.
||Gerald:||We'ge gotta get our boys back! [gets up and rushes out]
||Mr. Garrison:||[relieved] Ogh! Okay, so now can I PLEASE get fired and get my 25 million dollars?!
||Principal Victoria:||No, no, I think I have a better idea.
||[Devitzen's Tolerance Camp, Saturday, day. The boys' parents are at the front gate. Black-and-white fades into color, and Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Butters are present. They are quite thin, clearly undernourished, and their clothes fit loose on them]
||Randy:||We're sorry, boys. Why didn't you tell us your teachers were acting so over-the-top?
||Sheila:||Yes. You boys don't know how much we suffered. [a close-up of the boys shows that Butters is the thinnest of them]
||Chris:||Come on, let's go. [the boys and their parents head away from the gate. As they go, Mr. Garrison and Mr. Slave are brought in by Principal Victoria and Mr. Mackey. Two soldiers have them under gunpoint]
||Mr. Garrison:||Well this is insane!
||Principal Victoria:||I'm sorry Mr. Garrison, but it's obvious you aren't tolerant of your own behavior.
||Camp Warden:||[arrives] Vhat do we have here? Noo recruits? I assure you, the next veek will be nothing but pain and suffering! [pounds his rght fist into his left palm]
||Mr. Slave:||Oooo, this could be kind of fun. [convulses all of a sudden, goes down on hands and knees, and coughs up the gerbil]
||Singers:||Lemmiwinks has made it out, the tale is nearly through [the three spirits he met in Mr. Slave's body now appear before him]
||Catatafish:||Great job, Lemmiwinks.
||Sparrow Prince:||Thanks to you we are all free.
||Frog King:||[draws close to Lemmiwinks] But your adventures are just beginning, for you are no ordinary gerbil, Lemmiwinks. You are the Gerbil King. [places a crown on its head, then backs up to join the other two animal spirits]
||The Three Spirits:||All hail the Gerbil King. [they disappear]
||[End of The Death Camp of Tolerance. The Lemmiwinks song finally ends.|
Now that you're the Gerbil King there's more ventures to go on
Lemmi- Lemmi- Lemmiwinks. Le- Lemmiwiiinks.