Mitgeschrieben und dem Planearium zur VerfŘgung gestellt von Willie Westwood (South Park Scriptorium)

Episode 1207 - Super Fun Time


Mr. Garrison
Super Phun Thyme Cashier
Murderin' Murphy
PA System
Pioneer Paul
Sheriff McLawdog
Peioneer Village Workers (4 men, 2 women)
Injured Man
Officer 2
Officer 3
Police Chief

[Entrance to Pioneer Village, day. The South Park Elementary school bus is parked. Mr. Garrison waits with a bearded employee as the class enters the attraction]
Mr. Garrison:Kids, everyone together. Welcome to Pioneer Village. This is a recreation of early Colorado days. I want you all to meet Pioneer Paul. [the bearded employee steps forward, his hands gripping his suspenders]
Pioneer Paul:Hi, kids, and welcome to my village. I settled here in 1864 with my mahr and pahr. Sure thing, I ain't never seen strange clothes like you all are wearin'. And what's that fancy yellow horse carriage you got out there?
Kyle:This is gonna suck.
Pioneer Paul:When you all are ready just head up to the village. All the townfolk are there to answer yer questions. And welcome. [tips his hat a bit to the class] To 1864. Set 'em up!
Mr. Garrison:Thank you, Pioneer Paul. [Pioneer Paul turns around and walks away.] All right, kids, this is a big place, so I want everyone to pick a partner to hold hands with. [the students look at each other and begin to pair off.]
Cartman:Let's be partners, Kenny.
Kenny:(No, I'm partners with Craig) [holds Craig's hand]
Cartman:Okay. [turns and follows Stan] Stan, let's be jpartners, dude. [Stan approaches Wendy and holds out his hand. She takes it]
Stan:Naw, I'm with Wendy.
Cartman:Eh, you wanna hold hands with a girl? Gaywad! [Wendy flashes him an angry look as he turns and walks away. He looks around and sees most everyone is paired off. He approaches Kyle] All right, let's be partners, Kyle.
Kyle:I hate you, remember? [turns away] You wanna be partners, Jimmy?
Cartman:[miffed] Jesus, what have I ever done to you? Craig? Token? [Clyde and Token pair up] Who, who else needs a partner? [after the rest of the kids have paired up, only Butters is left. Cartman looks at him and he gets bashful all of a sudden, brushing his left foot back and forth on the ground] Uh who else needs a partner?
Mr. Garrison:Eric, partner with Butters.
Mr. Garrison:Hold Butters' hand, Eric! [Butters motions for Cartman to take his hand]
Cartman:That isn't necessary!
Mr. Garrison:Butters, you are not to let go of Eric's hand until you are both back on that bus! Do you understand?!
Butters:I understand. [takes Cartman's hand as Garrison turns towards the village]
Mr. Garrison:All right, let's head in. [leads the way]
Cartman:You can let go now, Butters.
Butters:[firmly] No.
Cartman:Butters, come on!
Butters:No! [the class is at the center of the village. Around it are a carriage house, the saloon, and the feed and tackle store]
Mr. Garrison:All right kids, go ahead and visit the charming villages and learn stuff. [the pairs disperse] Keep track of your partner!
[The smithy's shop. The smithy is working on a horseshoe resting on an anvil. Stan, Wendy, Kyle, and Jimmy drop by]
Smithy:Why howdy partners. [puts his tools down] I'm the town blacksmith. Are you folks settlers, or are you just trappers passin' through?
Stan:Uhhh, look, can we just drop the whole roleplaying thing? I would play along, but my girlfriend's here and I don't wanna look like a total dork in front of her.
Wendy:Thanks, Stan.
Pioneer Paul:[dropping by] These folks sure are strange, Smithy. We ain't never seen them kind of fancy hats in our time, have we?
Kyle:[points to the smithy] That guy is wearing a digital watch.
Smithy:Oh jeez. [adjust the watch to hide it. Pioneer Paul gives him an angry look]
Pioneer Paul:Damnit Chad!
Smithy:[puts it in his pocket] S-sorry, I'm sorry.
[Another smithy shop, this time for guns. Cartman, Butters, Kenny, Craig, and two girls visit]
Gunsmith:Why howdy, partners, I'm the town gunsmith. You see, in our time it's pretty violent. See them holes in the walls? That's so we can put rifles through to protect us from Injuns.
Cartman:I wanna shoot an Indian.
Gunsmith:Now some of you might wanna meet Abigail at the candle-makin' house. Or you can head over to the general store. [Kenny, Craig, and the two girls leave. Cartman and Butters head for the holes in the wall]
Butters:Do you see any Indians?
Cartman:Nah, it's just the city and e- Oh my Jesus Christ monkeyballs. [just over the greenery is Super Phun Thyme, a small attraction next door.] "Super... Phun Thyme." [turns to Butters and has him step forward] Dude, check it out! We're only two blocks from a Super Phun Thyme! They've got video games and rides and everything!
Butters:Oh, that's cool. [steps back and turns around] Well come on, Eric, we need to catch up with everyone.
Cartman:Dude, screw this place! We've gotta go to Super Phun Thyme!
Butters:Oh no! I'm not sneakin' out! I'll get in trouble!
Cartman:Fine, then let go of my hand!
Butters:Teacher said I can't let go till we're back on the bus!
Cartman:Well which is it gonna be, Butters?! Are you gonna ditch out with me or are you gonna disobey the teacher's stupid rule?!
Butters:I'm not lettin' go!
Cartman:Fine, then you're comin' with me!
Butters:No, Eric! [trips and stands up. Cartman pulls him towards the village's entrance]
Cartman:Butters, let go God-damnit!
Butters:No! [trips and tries to stand up] T-Teacherrr! Teacherrr!
[Pioneer Paul leads Stan, Wendy, Kyle, and Jimmy into the general store.]
Pioneer Paul:This here is our general store. It's where I buy all my supplies an' sich.
Clerk:Howdy partners. I own this hearrr general store.
Wendy:Look, Stan, they had beef jerky back then.
Clerk:What do you mean "back then"? Don't forget, it's 1864.
Kyle:Right. Except for it really isn't.
Pioneer Paul:Wuh, sure it is. Just look around ye. [they look around, but the modern suond of sirens reaches their ears]
Kyle:What's that?
Stan:Sounds like police sirens.
Pioneer Paul:What's a si-rene? We ain't never heard of no sirene in 1864. [the sound of screeching tires is next, and everyone heads to the windows to find out. A big SUV pulls into the village and seven people pour out of it. Onen of them is injured]
Leader:We lost them, we lost them!
Injured Man:Damn pig cops!
Leader:Close that gate! [two of his henchmen close the gate]
Wendy:What's going on?
Stan:I don't know. [the gunmen gather up the students and adults]
Leader:Everyone down on the ground NOW!
Sheriff:Wuh-whoa now, I'm Sheriff McLawdog. I settled here back in eighteen fif- [the leader shoots him in the forehead with a silenced gun]
Stan:Jesus Christ! [the six of them move away from the window and drop to their knees] We've gotta call the police. Where's your phone?
Pioneer Paul:A phone? Why, what's a phone? We ain't never hearda sich a thing.
Kyle:Come on, this is serious!
Pioneer Paul:Eh storehand, you ever heard of this fancy shmancy phone?
Clerk:Uhhh, nooo. W-we ain't got a phone in our time.
Stan:Dude, they just shot a guy in the face! We've gotta call the cops!
Pioneer Paul:If you mean the law, only law around here is town sheriff McLawdog. You see, 1864 is a time of growth and development in the Old West.
Stan:[in no mood to hear about it] This is not the time for that!
[Super Phun Thyme. Cartman pulls Butters towards it.]
Cartman:Aw man, this is gonna be awesome! [the go through the double doors] Butters, if you don't let go of my hand, everyone here is gonna think we're gay!
Butters:Well, that's your problem!
Cartman:All right Butters, I've seriously had enough! [tries to rip his hand out of Butters' grip, but only succeeds in pulling Butters around. He tries again, but Butters isn't letting go. He tries a third time, all the way around, and Butters' hand is clamped on tight.] Jesus Christ! [drops the matter and goes to a counter with Butters] One please.
Butters:Make that two! [they each give $6.]
Cashier:Aww, aren't you two cute holdin' hands. Are you special little buddies?
Butters, Cartman:NO! [she gives them their tickets and they go into the attraction]
[Super Phun Thyme, interior. Cartman and Butters go into an indoor amusement park. A bounce house is off to the right and miniature golf to the left. Bumper carz and laser tagg are on either side of the bowling lanes. The arcade is on the second floor.]
Cartman:Dude, this place shreds! What should we do first??
Butters:We should get back to Pioneer Village, that's what we should do!
Cartman:Butters, we're going to get back before anybody even notices we're gone. Let's go hit the bumper cars! [yanks Butters along.]
[Pioneer Village Administration. The fašade is 1860s, the building itself current. Wendy reaches the entrance first.]
Wendy:Over here. This looks like an office.
Kyle:[opens the door and leads the others in, then spots the phone] Here! Here's the phone! [Wendy gets on the stool and tries to dial out]
Pioneer Paul:Well, what a straaange contraption.
Wendy:I can't get a dial tone. [Kyle listens, then lowers the receiver]
Kyle:What's the number to dial out?
Pioneer Paul:Dila out? Partner, them are some funny words you're usin'.
Stan:Dude, do you understand what's going on here?! [Kyle and Wendy trade places]
Clerk:Maybe they're right, Brian. I mean, this is a special circumstance that-
Pioneer Paul:[grabs him by the collar and shoves him against the door] Brresh! [points something out to him. It's a sign over the door: "Remember: Never Break Character!"]
Clerk:Ogh, I mean, this here room is, it sure is strange. We have nothin' like these fancy devices in our time.
Pioneer Paul:I'll say.
Kyle:I got through. Hello, police?
Operator:Nine one one, what's your emergency?
Kyle:There's some terrorists or bankrobbers or something that have taken our class hostage!
Operator:Taken hostage where?
Kyle:The old Pioneer Village off of Kipling.
Operator:You mean that annoying place where employees won't break character?
Kyle:[glances back at the two men] Sister, you don't know the half of it.
[Super Phun Thyme. Cartman rides a Space Pilot rocket]
Cartman:Check it out, dude, I'm a space man! Space man, yehesss!
Cartman:I'm having a super fun time playin'
[Cartman and Butters are at a Thirst For Blood video game. Cartman navigates, Butters fires away half-heartedly]
Cartman:Get... get that guy! Shoot that guy! Yeah, and then ever here! [next they're playing air hockey. They take turns, but still have to run together in switching sides. They run to Butters' side and Butters hits the puck] Oh, you got it. Nice. [they run to Cartman's side, and Cartman hits the puck. They run back to Butters' side...]
Cartman:Super fun time, please don't go awahay.
[Cartman and Butters skate as a pair on roller skates, then they share an ice cream sundae. A couple walks by and looks at them funny.]
Butters:What are you whoofelin' at? [the couple hurries away]
Cartman:No more worries or cares, super fun time.
Cartman:[on a Road Hogg motorcycle ride as Butters gets on] Waiwait, keep- you're fine. [starts the ride. The motorcycle rocks back and forth quickly] Oh man, whoa!
Butters:Whoa! [gets tossed into the air, but doesn't let go of Cartman's hand. He ends up on Cartman's lap before the ride ends]
Cartman:The answer to my prayers, super fun time.
Super fun time, you're all I need.
[Cartman and Butters are playing Laser Tagg, except that Cartman is shooting at Butters gleefully. Next, they finally hit the bumper cars. Once everyone is in, the power is turned on. Butters is stuck outside the car, as there's no room for him, so he gets some injuries.]
Cartman:Yeheah, we're wired up!
Cartman:I'll have a super fun time till I freakin; bleed.
I love you mornin' noon and night, super fun time
Cartman:[two cars bump into him] Yeah, bumper cars, sweeet! [Butters is battered]
Cartman:You make my life so right, super fun time.
[Near the entrance, still inside]
Butters:Th-that's it, Eric. We have to be gettin' back!
Cartman:Aw, just a few more things.
Butters:No! If we don't leave right now, we're gonna miss the bus, and then they'll know we left!
Cartman:Huh, I guess you're right, Butters. All right, come on. [they leave Super Phun Thyme]
[Pioneer Village, later. The leader of the gunmen barks orders into a walkie talkie and paces back and forth.]
Leader:Set up the satellite relay, check for alternate routes out of the area. [turns to the hostage group] Unfortunately, your police department got wind of our robbery and chased after us. That is unfortunate for you, because when I think it is clear to leave we will now need to take hostages with us to ensure our goods get to their final destination.
Mr. Garrison:Please, if you must take anyone, don't take me. These kids are worth more to you. [the kids are shocked at him. The sirens are heard again]
Blond:How did they find us?!
Leader:Get the loot out of the car and stash it in that building. [a bunch of police cars show up at the parking lot and their officers quickly get out and get into position]
Police Chief:All right, men, listen up! Looks like our thieves are trying to hide out here. They've got the employees and some schoo kids held hostage.
Lieutenant:Tucker, Dylan, set up a perimeter!
Police Chief:Everyone stay on your toes! These are professionals we're dealing with here!
Officer:What did they rob, sir?
Police Chief:A Burger King
[A table in the building the leader was referring to. The leader is there with the injured man and a woman. They pool their money onto the table]
Leader:All right, good. Is that all of it? [a big balding man comes in with several Burger King meals in bags]
Balding Man:No. Don't forget we've got these too.
Leader:Excellent. Now listen, everyone, we're going to be all right. This is only a small hitch in our plan. [pulls out a cell phone and dials some numbers.] I'd like to speak with the chief of police! [listens] Who is this? This is the man who Is going to kill an entire class of fourth graders if he doesn't get exactly what he wants!
[Outdoors in Pioneer Village. The group that was in the administration building now arrives in the center of the village and ducks down behind a trough]
Kyle:Why aren't the cops coming in?
Wendy:They must be negotiating.
Pioneer Paul:Them there bandits sure look mighty strange. And them pistols is bigger than whats we's gots.
Kyle:[annoyed] Will you shut up!
Stan:Wait, you have guns here?
Pioneer Paul:Sure. Sheriff got lots of rifles in his office.
Stan:Well why don't you go get them and bring them back here?!
Pioneer Paul:Allrighty. Come on, storehand.
Clerk:Yeppir! [they leave]
[Kipling, near Pioneer Village. Cartman and Butters head back to the village after a few hours at Super Phun Thyme.]
Cartman:Uhaw man, I can't wait to see the look on Kyle's face when we tell him we had super fun time, while he was at the dumb Pioneer Village.
Butters:We're not telling anybody! I don't wanna get in trouble! And I didn't have a super fun time anyways.
Cartman:Butters, you've gotta learn to chill. Life goes by pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, and do whatever you want all the time, you could miss it.
Butters:Yeah, well, I guess that's kinda true.
Cartman:[stops in his tracks] Uh oh. [sees the police at the Pioneer Village entrance.] Crap, they called the cops on us.
Butters:What?! They called the cops?!
Cartman:They must have realized we left. Damn.
Butters:Oh my God, the police are looking for us!
Cartman:[covers Cartman's mouth and takes him behind a mail box] Shhh! Butters!
Butters:[quickly upset] We're gonna get it now!
Cartman:Butters Butters, calm down! I know a way out of this!
Butters:You just got me busted forever!
Cartman:Butters, l-listen to me, listen.
Butters:No! [turns away]
Cartman:All we have to do is sneak back inside without the cops seeing us. Then we can say we were inside all along.
Butters:You said they wouldn't notice we were gone. You promised. [punches him softly on the chest with his free hand]
Cartman:If we sneak back inside, we can say we never left, all right? [Butters calms down and stops sobbing] All right, now let go of my hand.
Butters:Huh you made me break one rule, I'm not breaking the other! It's all I have now.
Cartman:All right, come on! [they head back towards Super Phun Thyme]
[Inside Pioneer Village, day. The leader gives more commands as he walks along. He reaches one of his henchman, who's got monitoring equipment laid out and operational]
Leader:Keep the hostages from talking and search for holdouts. Everyone check in at two-minute intervals. I hope you have good news, Ohrlich.
Ohrlich:The police have us completely surrounded on all sides. There's no way we're gettin' out above ground without being spotted.
Leader:Above ground?
Ohrlich:Look, I found this at the rear of the park. It's an old mine shaft, [a picture of an abandoned gold mine appears] but Pioneer Village was sued when a kid died in it, so they closed it down and protected it with a huge me'al door with a coded lock.
Leader:So if we can get into the shaft we can tunnel our way around the police. Excellent.
Ohrlich:One more thing, Frans: I want my share of the take now.
Frans:[finally, a name for the leader] What's the matter, Ohrlich? Lose your sense of trust?
Ohrlich:I was just thinking maybe we get through that tunnel. Then you take the loot to Berlin and I never see you again. I want my cut.
Frans:Very well. [hands him a wad of bills and a Burger King lunch bag. Ohrlich opens the bag, takes out his burger, and leafs through its contents like a deck of playing cards to make sure nothing is missing]
[The village square, moments later. The blacksmith is tied up and sitting on a wooden chair. The woman hits the blacksmith's right eye with the butt of her gun]
Frans:I'm going to ask you again, what is the door code to the tunnel?!
Smithy:I told you, mister, what would I know about a door code? I'm just a simple blacksmith. With my trusty forge I makes all the metalworks for the village. [the woman strikes his face again with her rifle] OW.
Frans:[holds up the smithy's employee profile] You are an employee here, that means you are required to know the door code for fire code reasons, [reads from the profile] Mister David Palmer of Colorado Springs!
Smithy:Huh my name ain't Palmer, it's... Old Smithy. Hand we ain't never heard of no fire code, why, we gots to put fires out ourselves when the- [the woman strikes his face again with her rifle] OW.
Frans:That's it! [aims his gun at Smithy's left temple. The woman backs away] Tell me the code or you die! [the smithy sobs] One... two...
Smithy:I don't know nothin' about no fancy door code. I'm just a simple blacksmith. [Frans kills him and his body drops off the chair. The class is stunned]
Craig:[observes] These Pioneer Village workers are really committed to their jobs. [another worker is tied up and put on the chair as the smithy's body is dragged away]
Worker:No. Please. Don't hurt me.
Frans:Give us the code to that door and we can leave!
Worker:[shuts his eyes hard] I've never heard of sss-something called a door code. [leans over and whispers] Please, can't you ask some other way?
Frans:I don't have time for your stupid game! Tell me, or you die right now! [gets his gun ready]
Worker:All right, all right! Look, it's just, it's just one of those... Jenkins home security locks. You press the top button and then, and then enter 5-2 [he's killed, but by someone else. The class gasps when it sees whom the killer is. Pioneer Paul is shown with a rifle in his hand, and the general store clerk is next to him]
Pioneer Paul:[tosses his rifle away and walks to the class] What he meant to say, kids, is that we ain't never heard o'no fancy door code 'cause in our time, we gots to rely on wood locks and sich.
Frans:Goddamnit you people are fucking insane!
[Kyle, Wendy, Stan, and Jimmy have seen this all from behind the trough]
Kyle:I don't believe it.
Frans:Domino, [looks at the balding man, then at another henchman] Walsky! Find out if there are any employees or students wandering about! Bring them here or shoot them! [the two henchmen move out]
Wendy:Oh crap, we've gotta hide. Come on! [they start to move.]
Jimmy:Yeah. [all stop] We've gotta geh- ...geh... get the hell ...outta here f- f-hast fast. [they finally leave]
[Outside Pioneer Village. The police are scouring the surroundings. One of them answers a call]
Officer:Sector Bravo, no activity.
Butters:Jeez, uh cops are looking for us everywhere.
Cartman:Don't worry, they're not gonna find us 'til we're safely back inside. [turns left and points] Look, see that traffic signal down there? [the intersection is shown] If we can climb across that, we can jump to the tree branch, and then we're home free.
Butters:That looks dangerous.
Cartman:Not getting busted always is, Butters. Come on. [they head to the signal. Butters is lighter, so he goes up first. He pulls Cartman along up the traffic signal, then stands on the arm] Good, that's good. [Cartman stands up too] That's good, Good, all right then. Let's head across. [they begin to tip-toe along the traffic signal's arm.] Go easy. Good.
Butters:Oh gosh in heaven.
Cartman:It's all right. You've got it, no problem- [his left foot slips, causing them both to lose their balance] OP.
Cartman:Save me!
Butters:I'm gonna fall! [they both scream as they struggle to stay on the arm, but they both fall off... and end up hanging from the arm like a pair of tennis shoes tied together]
Cartman:... Oh dude, laaame.
[The village square. Frans is still on top of things.]
Frans:Frohlich, check in. Have you found any other employees?
Domino:We found somebody. [the two henchmen he sent off earlier return]
Walsky:We found this guy in the jail of the sheriff's office.
Pioneer Paul:[gasps] You let out Murderin' Murphy??
Murderin' Murphy:Y'are all gettin' it for puttin' me in that thar jail!
Frans:[frustrated and pissed off] Stop it! Stop your bad historical acting right now!
Woman:Tarnation. Why'd you let Murderin' Murphy go? He's a bad man.
Frans:[approaching the employees] I am the fucking bad man! Do you get that?! Knock it off and give me the mine shaft access code!
Pioneer Paul:You're just gonna have to kill us, mister, 'cause you ain't makin' no sense at all.
Frans:I won't kill you if you don't tell me. I'll kill one of THEM! [walks over to the students...]
Mr. Garrison:Not me! Not me not me not me not me! [...and grabs Kenny]
Kenny:(What? Hey, let go.)
Frans:[drags Kenny to the employees] Do you want to see a child die?!
Kenny:(NO they don't wanna see a child die! You guys! Uf.)
[The traffic signal, later.]
Butters:I am so disappointed in myself. Teacher gave me a res-responsibility, and I was just supposed to look after my partner, and I blew it!
Cartman:Don't be too hard on yourself, Butters. You can't help being a douchebag. Wait, Butters, look! [a big truck is headed their way] This is it! This is our chance! Swing over, Butters! Go!
Butters:Huh... [swings over, and they both land on the truck. They then move about looking for a good position to jump from]
Cartman:Quick! Are you ready?! We gotta jump!
Butters:Let's do it!
Cartman:Ready? Go! [they leap off the truck and over the wooden wall. The police are not aware of this. They land on a roof and roll of it into a wooden wheelbarrow, which tips over and dumps them onto the ground.]
[Inside Pioneer Village. at the village square.]
Frans:[Domino and Walsky bring the female employee over to Kenny, who is tied up on the chair] What about you? Will you tell us the access code or do you want to see this kid die?!
Woman:I'm sorry, I'm a woman and women in our time ain't allowed to know the carryin's on of the town proper.
[In a nearby building, Stan, Wendy and Jimmy hide under a table. Kyle peeks out a hole in the boarded-up windows behind the table]
Kyle:Dude, they're gonna kill Kenny!
Stan:I can't let them do it. [comes out from under the table] I''ve got to make the ultimate sacrifice. [turns and heads for the door, then exits the building]
Wendy:[leans out] Where are you going, Stan?
Stan:Wendy, I have to do something. Please look away. [turns around, grabs some dirt, rubs it on his face, and walks to the hostage area]
Frans:All right, that does it! [jabs the tip of the gun up against Kenny's hood. Kenny just looks at him] On the count of three this child dies! One! Two!
Kenny:(Goddamnit, someone help me!)
Stan:[walks up] Well howdy there, strangers. [everyone looks at him as he approaches] Sorry to interrupt ye, but I done come from Pegosa Springs to buy me some wares an' sich..
Pioneer Paul:Ohhh, welcome, partner. [the other employees welcome him as well.]
Frans:Wha-what are you doing?
Stan:I heard you all had some difficulty with a criminal getsin' out of your jail.
Pioneer Paul:That's right, Murderin' Murphy. He's crazy 'cause someone killed his pa.
Murderin' Murphy:They killed my pahr!
Stan:I reckon that maybe you could make a jail door that opened with numbers instead of keys. You know, like a biiiiig safe.
Pioneer Paul:Y-y-yeah, I understand that.
Clerk:Finally, a fella that talks some sense.
Stan:If'n you all was to have such a giant safe, what would you villagers want the number to be to unlock that thar jail door shuckamuck?
Pioneer Paul:Oh, well uh, I reckon the easiest number to remember for any big safe door lock would be... 1864.
Clerk:Yup, 1864, 'cause that's the year it is.
Frans:Eighteen sixty four. Ohrlich, we have the door code! Start packing up! We'll take the hostages with us! [smiles]
Mr. Garrison:No, you got your door code, let us go!
Walsky:Copy that. What's the code, over. [Butters and Cartman step out from behind a building, then quickly step back behind it before they can be seen]
Cartman:Sweet, there's still cops looking for us in here. All right, follow my lead, Butters. [they step out again and walk towards Walsky, who gets ready to shoot] Hohoo man, hasn't this place been fascinating, Butters?
Butters:Yeah, it sure has.
Cartman:Oh, I just don't know what I liked better: the historical buildings and archifacts or the, or the uhhhm.
Butters:Or the witty anecdotes of the townspeople, uh...
Cartman:Witty anecdotes, yes, that's been ab- that's been awesome.
Butters:Been a hoot all right!
Walsky:Get your hands behind your head!
Cartman:What'd we do? We've been here the whole time.
Walsky:Shut up! Put your hands behind yoru head! Do it now! [they put their free hands behind their heads, which surprises him] Let go of each other!
Butters:Huh uh.
Walsky:Do what I tell you!
Butters:Our teacher said we have to hold hands the whole time we're here!
Walsky:Let go or else I'll put a bullet through your hands and MAKE you let go!
Butters:NO! [remembering how Cartman swing him around at Super Phun Thyme, he swings Cartman around and knocks Walsky down. He and Cartman sprint across the field and manage to avoid the barrage of bullets Wilskey sends their way]
Cartman:Jesus Christ! [Walsky fires off a grenade, which hits a house just as Cartman and Butters run past it. The blast blows them off their feet]
Cartman:AAAAH! [this and the gunfire alert the other robbers]
Frans:Go! Go take care of it! I'll stay with the hostages! [the gunwoman and Ohrlich leave]
Stan:Hey, m-Murderin' Murphy, you see that there feller?
Murderin' Murphy:Yeah.
Stan:He done killed yer pahr.
Murderin' Murphy:[stands up enraged] What?! Well I'll rip his head off! [runs towards Frans and tackles him]
Officer 2:We've got a chance. Hostages are clear! [officers climb over the wooden wall and pour into the village.]
Frans:They are coming in! [the shootout between cops and robbers begins. Ohrlich is shot dead and his burger drops to the floor next to him. The gunwoman fires, and the cops fire back. She is shot through a window and dies.]
Officer 3:Whoa, no, no!
Officer 2:Hostages are secure at the park entrance!
Murderin' Murphy:I got you now, Pioneer Paul!
Pioneer Paul:They shoulda never let you out of jail, Murderin' Murphy! [they get into a fistfight. Domino shoots at the cops from the second floor of the saloon. The cops fire back and Domino keels over, dead. Frans walks over to Ohrlich's body and takes back his cut]
Police Chief:[arrives and aims his gun] Freeze, scumbag! It's all over! [Other officers gather and aim their weapons. Frans drops his satchel and puts his hands behind his head.]
Woman:Murderin' Murphy's gonna kill Pioneer Paul!
Officer 2:[aims his gun at the men] Stop right now! It's over! [a bell rings out three tones and the fistfight ends]
PA System:Howdy, partners. It's five o'clock. Pioneer Village is now closed for the day. [Murphy and Paul let go of each other and stand up smiling] Head back to your wagons and have a safe trip home.
Pioneer Paul:We made it!
Murderin' Murphy:We made it! [the employees hug each other and begin to disperse]
Woman 2:Oh God, I can't wait to get out of this dress.
Murderin' Murphy:Whoa, that was great! [the employees begin to drop their makeup and other bits of costume]
Pioneer Paul:Uh, listen, if anyone still wants to know, the phone is in the administratino building, you dial 9 to get out, and there's actually a back exit behind the horse troughs. Good night everybody, thanks for coming. We did it, guys!
Gunsmith:Let's go to TGI Fridays and get some jalape˝o poppers!
Murderin' Murphy:Yeah, that'd be great!
Man 1:All right!
Man 2:Oh yeah, huh. Jalape˝o poppers.
Man 3:Let's go, huh.
[Outside Pioneer Village, evening. The cops finish up their investigations. Mr. Garrison talks to them with his class around him.]
Wendy:Stan, you were really brave in there, but you did kind of sound like a big dork.
Stan:I know.
Police Chief:Come on you!
Frans:You're hurting my arm!
Police Chief:Too bad! You'll be going away for a long time. Was it worth it?
Frans:In a way, it was. I might not have gotten away, but... at least I learned a lot about Pioneer life in the Old West. Those early settlers didn't have the modern conveniences we all take for granted today. To think how difficult it was back in those times to do somethin' as simple as washing your clothes. Pioneer Village has a lot to teach us all.
Police Chief:That's true. [Frans is put in a squad car and the cops continue with their work]
Wendy:[looks at Pioneer Village] Hey look. [Butters walks towards the entrance dragging Cartman behind him. Cartman is passed out. Butters drags him over the sidewalk, across the parking lot, and on to the bus. Only then does he let go]
Butters:Teacher, my partner is back on the bus! [all energy leaves him and he passes out too]
[End of Super Fun Time.]