Randy and Sharon Marsh
Gerald, Sheila, and Ike Broflovski
Rodgers, David, and Jeff Corrigan
ICE Agents (6)
Bigwigs 2 and 1
Diego, Esposa, and Girl 1
Martinez, Aguilar, Boy, Girl 2
Princess Star and Mexican Joker
Jack and Wife
News Anchor and Cmdr Miller
|[The South Park theme song is replaced by one for the new series, Tegridy Farms, starring Randy Marsh:|
Goin' down to Tegridy Farms, gonna have myself a time.
As the song plays, this happens: a flyover shot of the valley Tegridy Farms is in. A jar of Tegridy Weed floats by. Randy is shown driiving his tractor. The camera zooms on on a house on which roof "Tegridy Farms" is painted. Shelley and Stan are reaping weed as Randy looks on, toking. Towelie enters the house. Randy shows off his greenhouse. Sharon vacuums hanging harvested weed. Randy walks out of the barn covered in weed. Randy and Towelie each smoke a joint on the couch. Randy tries baking brownies and burns them. Smoke comes out of the oven while he holds a tray of them. Randy poses with the family and with Towelie as the song ends. Only Randy and Towelie smile.]
|[The camera pans up from the weed patch and aims at the house. Bunches of weed hang from clotheslines as a fan softly dries them]|
|Randy:||[voice-over] Some people like their weed made the old-fashioned way. [several laborers are in the field harvesting weed] Here at Tegridy, we believe weed is about people. [Randy is shown leading a group of people on a tour of his operation.] Over the past few months, Tegridy has expanded from the simple farmhouse you see behind me to actually owning the entire 420 Valley. And I think you'll see on this tour that even though our business has grown, we just kept our weed simple. [Randy continues the tour on a tram] It takes over a thousand plants to make just one box of Tegridy Weed. [points to his left] There's Juan Carlos over there; he's one of our newest emplyees. [calls out to him] 'Mornin' Juan Carlos! [Juan Carlos looks up and meekly waves back. Passengers take pics of him. next scene has Randy and the group on a moving sidewalk] What happens when you combine science... with Tegridy? A lot of magic. Here you can see our latest growoing methods along with our science center. [Towelie is shown sampling the weed. Next stop, the tasting room. Randy and the group ride up in a small riverboat, the S.S. Tegridy.] And of course, it wouldn't be Colorado weed without our Rocky Mountain High tasting room. Feel free to come back here later and try all our... Tegridy products. [the tour ends, and Randy leads the group out] Well, folks, we hope you enjoyed your tour. There's a lot to buy here in the gift shop and, please, do remember, your tour guides work on tips. Let's give me a big hand. [the grop claps]|
|[Tegridy Farns house, living room. Stan tallies the day's receipts on the laptop and Cartman chills on the sofa.]|
|Cartman:||This sucks balls. Ever since you guys moved, everything just keeps changing. I mean, how are all us kids supposed to have any hope anymore? All I think about is all the problems our generaiton is inheriting: climate change, overfishing, Kyle. I mean, how are we supposed to get happy about anything? [Randy comes in] Hey there, Stan. You input all the weed orders?|
|Stan:||Yeah, it's all right here.|
|Randy:||Ah, hahah-uhl, oh. [scratches the back of his neck] Looks like our orders are actually... down. You sure you did that right?|
|Stan:||Yeah, I went through it twice. People aren't ordering as much as last month.|
|Randy:||Mot ordering as much? Why... what the hell is going on?|
|[South Park, day. Randy drives up to the Stotch house, goes to the front door and rings the bell. Stephen answers]|
|Stephen:||Oh, hey Randy.|
|Randy:||[with a box of Tegridy Weed, tips his hat to him] Howdy, Stephen. How've you been gettin' on?|
|Stephen:||Good. How's life in the Valley been treatin' ya?|
|Randy:||Oh, it's early mornin's and lots of hard work, but, gotta do what's best for my young 'uns. I've noticed you haven't supplied up in a while, Stephen, so I thought I'd deliever your weed to you personally.|
|Stephen:||Oh... yeah, no [scratches the back of his neck], I... actually... hadn't ordered any in a while.|
|Randy:||Why not? You're not gettn' all sober on us, are ya?|
|Stephen:||No. Well... here, let me show you. [takes Randy to the back yard shows him what he's been up to] What do you think? [before them is Stephen's starter weed garden] I started growing my own plants a couple of week ago. I totally get it. It's a really fun hobby. That's Deigo, my gardener.|
|Randy:||Ohhh he, haha, hey... fuck you.|
|Randy:||My weed not good enough for ya? Something wrong with Tegridy?|
|Stephen:||No, I just started kinda getting into it. I just enjoy the whole-|
|Randy:||You're stealing my idea Stephen!|
|Stephen:||Come on, growing marijuana is not your idea.|
|Randy:||Yeah-huh! While you assholes were all screwing around, I went out and made a living!When you grow your own pot, you're taking weed out of my chiildren's mouths!|
|Mr. Mackey:||[enters the back yard through the sliding door] Oh hey, guys. Sorry, the front door was open, so I just walked on in. Seein' if I could still get those seeds from ya, Stephen?|
|Randy:||[glares at Stephen] What seeds?!|
|Mr. Mackey:||Oh, I was gonna try my hand at growin' some weed and Stephen said he'd give me some seeds to get started.|
|Randy:||[sticks up both middle fingers to Stephen and Mr. Mackey] FUUUCK YOU GUYS! [turns to Stephen] I'll get you for this, Stephen! You mess with my Tegridy, and I'm gonna mess with you! [leaves the yard. Moments later, he returns for the weed he was going to leave to Stephen, looks at Mr. Mackey, and walks out]|
|[Kum & Go liquor store. Cartmann walks up to a soda fountain with a Mega Gulp cup and serves himself a bunch of sodas, then goes to the coffee machine and serves himself some decaf coffee. He then walks up to the counter and pays up]|
|Clerk 1:||You all right there, partner?|
|Cartman:||Kinds are being handed a world that's broken and sick. We aren't the ones who messed this planet up, but we're the ones who will pay the price.|
|Clerk 1:||Okay, you have a nice day. [Cartman takes his change and receipt, and wallks out.]|
|[Outide the liquor store. As Cartman leaves the store, a Department of Homeland Security car zooms by, followed by a black van. Cartman just looks on]|
|[The Stotch house. ICE agents are at the house hauling Diego out.]|
|Diego:||¡Por favor no! ¡Por favor! Nomás quiero trabajar! ["Please no! please! I just want to work!"]|
|Stephen:||This is inhumane! Diego is my gardener|
|Cartman:||! [walks up and looks at an agent] What's going on?|
|Agent 1:||This is an ICE raid, son. You need to keep back.|
|Agent 2:||Put him in my car. [a third agent takes Diego away]|
|Cartman:||What did that guy do?|
|Agent 1:||Somebody called in an anonymous tip that he might be here illegally.|
|Esposa:||¡No! ¡No te lo puedes llevar! ¡Es mi esposo! ¡Mi esposo! ["No! You can't take hiim away! He's my hband! My husband!" A female agent in a hoodie takes her away]|
|Girl:||Poppa poppa, no! Poppa!|
|Agent 3:||Wife goes in the van, kids can go with Donovan.|
|Stephen:||Who called you people?! It was Randy Marsh, wasn't it?!|
|Agent 1:||We're just doin' our job, sir. If the family checks out, we'll release them from their detention centers.|
|Cartman:||Detention centers? Well, this is nice! When did we start doing this?|
|Agent 4:||[the female agent] Kids go to LS22.|
|Cartman:||So anyone can make an anonymous tip and you can round up familes and send them away? Noboyd told me about this! I thought everything sucked now! Do you have a card?|
|[The Broflovski house, day. Ike is playing with blocks on the floor. Kyle is watching TV and eating cereal on the sofa as the phone rings. He picks up after seeing who's calling]|
|Kyle:||What do you want?|
|Cartman:||Do youremember last week you called me a botthole in front of Suzie Tobler?|
|Kyle:||Yeah, 'cause you were gonna snap her bra.|
|Cartman:||I want you to apologize for every time you've been a dick to me, Kyle.|
|Cartman:||Oh! Are you sure you don't want to take that back? Uh-okay Kyle. Just remember, I gave you a chance. [the doorbell rings, and Ike goes to the door]|
|Kyle:||Are you done now? Can I hang up? [as Ike opens the door, ICE agents burst in and fan out]|
|Agent 2:||220. We've breached the front door.|
|Gerald:||[coming in from the kitchen] Excuse me, what is going on? [more agents come in through the back door behind him. The female puts Gerald against a wall and frisks him.]|
|Agent 5:||640. On the first floor. [Agent 3 brings Sheila down the stairs]|
|Sheila:||Who are you people?|
|Agent 3:||We're ICE, ma'am.|
|Gerald:||We're American citizens!|
|Agent 5:||Just doin' our job, sir.If you check out, you'll be released from the detention centers.|
|Gerald:||Get the fuck out of my house! [the agents haul the Broflovskis out the door.]|
|Gerald:||This is ridiculous! You can't take our children away from us!|
|Cartman:||[looking on through binoculars from his bedroom window andn chuckles.] That's so sweet.|
|Agent 2:||You guys take the parents, we'll take the kids. [Ike runs to Sheila and holds on to her]|
|Agent 1:||[grabs for him] Come on, you! [grunts as he struggles to pull Ike off Sheila]|
|Sheila:||NO! You will not take my children from me!|
|Cartman:||Ha ha. No way.|
|Gerald:||I, I'm telling you, I just don't know where our passports are!|
|Agent 3:||Then we have to detain you. If you're legal, you can sort it all out on Monday.|
|Sheila:||Monday?! [agent 2 pulls Ike off Sheila. Ike is put in the back of agent 2's car, and Cartman waves to him]|
|Sheila:||Ike! [to the agents] YOU CAN'T DO THIS! [the agents pull away from the house in their cruisers]|
|[City Hall, day. Stan speaks to the city council. Randy and Towelie sit in the audience section, and Randy interjects from time to time.]|
|Stan:||[reading from 3x5 imdex cards] What happened to our country? People are being wronged by a broken system, and we must say "NO MORE." No more homegrown marijuana.|
|Randy:||[voicing several fake witnesses] Yeah, that's right! Yeah, that's right. Me too. Yeah, that's right!|
|Stan:||As the son of a proud America farmer, I am concerned about what homegrown can lead to. People can grow weed wrong and poison themsleves. What?|
|Randy:||Yeah, that's right. Yeah! Come on!|
|Stan:||Unscrupulous growers could use cheap irrigation and drown babies. Oh, come on.|
|Randy:||That's right. Drown babies, yeah. Drown babies, that's right. Drown babies.|
|Stan:||The fact is simple. marijuana must be grown with Tegridy.|
|Stan:||[mimicking Rady] Tegridy.|
|[South Park, on the drive home. Randy, Stan, and Towelie ar quiet]|
|Randy:||Stupid government! How can they sit there and look a child in the face and it's fine for people to grow their own weed?!|
|Towelie:||Oh, why does it matter?|
|Randy:||Why does it? Ugh! Am I the only person here who understands what this will do to us?!|
|Stan:||Yeah, but Dad, you're gonna piss off everybody in south Park.|
|Randy:||You know what? Fuck South Park!|
|Towelie:||Fuck South Park?|
|Randy:||Yeah, I'm sick it! I'm just- I'm done! I don't give two shits about South Park! All thtat matters is Tegridy Farms now!|
|Towelie:||...I don't know if you wanna say "Fuck South Park."|
|[A detention center in Texas, day. And ICE bus pulls up and drops off its group of kids. Kyle is among them]|
|Jeff:||Good day, children. My name is Jeff.|
|David:||Buenos días, niños. Me llamo Jefe.|
|Jeff:||We know you've been separated from your families.|
|David:||Tu familia no está aquí, Es triste y tu cri, tu cri.|
|Jeff:||But we want you to get a little excited about the fun we have in store for you.|
|David:||Aquí es mervilosa! Divértida! [the two agents lead the kids inside]|
|[The detention center, inside]|
|Jeff:||Everyone, please take your own piece of aluminum foil.|
|David:||Papél de aluminió, por favor. [each kid take an aluminum sheet and goes into a large spac to be used for sleeping]|
|Rodgers:||All new kids, el nombre. Line up and announce when your name is read. Martinez!|
|Kyle:||Here! [the agent is shocked and looks around, then looks at David, approaching]|
|David:||Broflovski - is, is that an El Salvadorean name?|
|Kyle:||No, I'm Jewish. [Jeff and the other two agents are alarmed.]|
|Jeff:||What?! How did a Jew get in here?|
|Kyle:||I'm just here because some fat intolerant asshole didn't want me around!|
|Boy:||Yeah, that's why I'm here too.|
|Girl:||Yeah, me too.|
|Jeff:||Oh by, we've gotta get this kid out of here. [voice softens to a whisper] People might think we're racist.|
|[The Marsh house, day. A car pulls up and two corporate bigwigs step out of it and walk to the front door. Randy comes out to greet his guests.]|
|Randy:||Ah, sorry, tours at 11 and 2, and 4:20.|
|Bigwig 1:||Oh, we're not here for a tour, we represent a billion-dollar marijuana company.|
|Randy:||Ohh, I told you rich, big-city folk before: You can't buy Tegridy!|
|Bigwig 1:||You seem to be fighting the same fight we are. We just wanna help you. [pulls out a joint and lights it up with a lighter, then takes a toke before handing it to Randy.] Eve heard of Med Men?|
|Randy:||Yeah, I think so. [takes a toke and hands it back] What do you want with me?|
|Bigwig 1:||Well, we have a common problem. [takes a toke] Homegrown weed.|
|Bigwig 2:||[takes the joint from his partner] We're just worried about safety, you know? [takes a toke] Babies drowning in irrigation and such.|
|Randy:||[takes the joint from Bigwig 2] Yeah, I hate watching babies drown. [takes a toke] Seems like a waste of a good baby. [hands the joint to Bigwig 1]|
|Bigwig 1:||We're glad you agree. [takes a toke] Now what-? [Randy tokes several times]|
|Randy:||So you guys wanna team up and piggyback on the goodwill of the legalization movement for some good old-fashioned crony capitalism? I'm totally in. [exhales and a bunch of smoke drifts out]|
|[Detention center, Texas, day. Jeff, Kyle, and another agent site in Jeff's office. Behind Kyle is a waiting room with a one-way window]|
|Jeff:||Sorry for our little mistake. We're goin' to get you on your way home as soon as we can.|
|Kyle:||What about all the other kids? When do they get to go home?|
|Jeff:||Hey. When it's raining, you gotta roll up the windows. We understand these things are hard for your people.|
|Kyle:||My people? Aren't you worried about what you're creating here?!|
|Jeff:||What do you mean?|
|Kyle:||You're pulling children away from their parents and isolating them behind bars.|
|Kyle:||You're traumatizing them and teaching them to fear the U.S. government.|
|Kyle:||Okay, let me try to put this in terms you people will understand. You know superhero movies, right?|
|David:||[gets excited and looks up from his phone] Yeah!|
|Kyle:||Okay. You remember how they always create the villain? Some random person who, when they were a child, got taken from their parents and locked away? And the kid was just left to sit and plot revenge? What you're doing here is creating a Mexican Joker! [The agents get alarmed again] And what's a Mexican Joker gonna do? He's gonna grow up and have memories of being wronged by you, and he will grow and wait, and then finally [makes a fist with his right hand and pounds it into his left hand] fight back with a pasion unlike anythng you've ever seen!|
|Jeff:||Which one of them do you think is Mexican Joker?|
|Kyle:||No, it could be any of them! That's the point! You don't know kid in there is gonna snap from being separated and locked down like this!
||David:||But... Doesn't Mexican Joker understand that we're just doing our job and making America great?
||Kyle:||Mexican Joker doesn't care! When that kid grows up, all that will matter is getting back at all of you!
||David:||Well, what would Mexican Joker-
||Jeff:||Hey David, can I talk to you alone, please. Excuse us, kid. [Jeff puts Kyle in a waiting room just outside the office. Jeff and David begin to argue, but the office is soundproof, so we hear nothing. The camera switches to inside the office] Now then, the most important thing is that we've got to keep this quiet! We can't let Mexican Joker know that we're onto him.
||David:||I don't wanna be part of a bad guy flashback scene. Maybe we should get kids out of here.
||Jeff:||Now, listen: that's just what he wants us to do.
||David:||What are you saying?
||Jeff:||Im saying, what if he's on Mexican Joker's side? [the both look at Kyle through the window]
||[The Marsh living room, evening. Randy has taken to adding up the tally himself on the laptop. Towelie enters the room]
||Towelie:||[upset] Hey Randy, did you go make a deal with another weed company?
||Randy:||Yes, Towelie. I'm working on a merger with Med Men.
||Towelie:||Ned ne? But, those guys are posers.
||Randy:||We have a deal in the works to help each other put a stop to home-growers once and for all.
||Towelie:||Jesus... You know, I knew a guy who thought weed should be for everybody. A guy who believed in integrity. I don't understand who you even are anymore.
||Randy:||That's because I'm the president of theh company, and YOU are a TOWEL!
||Towelie:||YOU're a towel!
||Randy:||What is wrong with trying to protect our business? [Towelie walks towards the front door]
||Towelie:||[stops and turns around] Because weed isn't supposed to be some money-grubbin' business model! It's a gift from God! And not something to exploited by some stupid towel! [opens the door and steps out]
||Randy:||I AM NOT A TOWEL!
||Towelie:||[turns around] Yeah. Yeah, sure thing, Randy. You are not a towel. [leaves, and Randy sighs with a mix of relief and anger]
||[The Texas detention center, day. Jeff puts on e puppet show with David on the bullhorn and another agent at the spinet piano. Jeff provides the voices]
||Peincess Star:||My name is Princess Star, for I shine like all the stars in the night sky.
||Jeff:||Kids, let's all say hi to Princess Star!
||David:||Hi, Princess Star.
||Mexican Joker:||Ha ha ha haa! It's me, Mexican Jokerrrrr!
||Jeff:||Oh no! Everyone boo Mexican Joker, kids! Boooo!
||Mexican Joker:||I'mm filled with anger and rage for what happened to me as a child! So now I will kill and rape you all!
||Peincess Star:||But Mexcan Joker, you forget the magic word: Forgiveness. [a ding prompts the screen behind Jeff to come on and show "FORGIVNESS/EL PARDON"]
||Mexican Joker:||I don't care about forgiveness!
||Peincess Star:||But you are a migrant from another country. We had to protect our borders and secure our jobs.
||Mexican Joker:||I don't care! I'm going to rape you now! [Jeff has Mexican Joker rape Princess Star]
||Peincess Star:||Oh no, no, what about forgiveness?
||Mexican Joker:||No firgiveness! [the kids' jaws drop as they see this simulated rape]
||Jeff:||Boo! That's enough, Mexican Joker! our rage and your anger have made you a bad person in th eeyes of Christ. I know your life was hard as a kid, but everyone has hard times. [a bell rings and the show stops]
||Agent 6:||Another busload comin' in.
||Jeff:||[weary] Another buload? Oh, criminy!
||[Texas detention center, ourside. The ICE bus pulls up again and drops off its load of kids. This time, Cartman is among the kids. Kyle goes to the window to see the new kids.]
||Jeff:||Welcome, children. My name is Jeff.
||David:||Hola niños, me llamo Jefe... [the kids are processed as before, but don't receive aluminum blankets. They go to the sleeping area. Cartman walks up to Kyle, who glares at him]
||Cartman:||Oh, hey Kyle.
||Kyle:||What the fuck are you doing here?!
||Cartman:||So weak. Jimmy pissed me off 'cause he told the teacher I was texting in class, so I told Jimmy I'd have him sent off to a migrant detention center. He didn't believe me, so I said "Oh, I already did it to Kyle." Stan heard that, so he got pissed off and had me sent off to a migrant detention center.
||Kyle:||I haven't seen my parents in *two weeks*! Nobody even knows where my little brother is!
||Cartman:||I know. I know it sucks. But we're stuck in here together. Come on, buys. All we have to do is try to make the most of it. [smiles]|
It's a hard knock life for us. It's a hard knock life for us. [bounces around]
|[South Park, day. Randy wandres through Downtown and stops at CottonCraft Linen & Towels]
||Clerk 2:||Hey, are you gonna buy a towel or just stare at them?
||Randy:||I'm not a towel!
||Clerk 2:||Go on! Get out of here! [Randy turns and walks away. As he walks down the sidewalk, memories of recent days come flooding into his mind, accompanies by a range of emotions]
||Mr. Mackey:||Yeah, you know, I think I'll just grow my own weed.
||Stephen:||Oh yeah, I'm growin' my own weed.
||Jimbo:||I enjoy growin' my own weed now.
||Stephen:||I'll grow my own weed.
||Jimbo:||My own weed.
||Mr. Mackey:||My own weed. I'll grow my own weed.
||Jimbo:||I enjoy growin' my own weed.
||Stephen:||Hey, I think I'll just grow my own weed. [Randy finds himself in front of CottonCraft looking at the towels, then inside the store]
||Clerk 2:||[throws him out] I said get out of here if you aren't buying towels! [Randy walks on geting filled with rage]
||Stephen:||I'll grow my own weed.
||Jimbo:||My own weed.
||Stephen:||My own weed. I'll grow my own weed.
||Jimbo:||I'll grow my own weed.
||Stephen:||I'll grow my own weed.
||Randy:||[falling into despair thinking of hmiself as a towel] Aaaaaaaaaaah! [roars as he'd on his knees in the middle of the street] Ah. Augh! Aaaaawwww!!
||[Texas detention center clinic. A boy is strapped down to a table and wearing an electrified headband. He has a gag in his mouth. An agent zaps electricity through the boy from the headband]
||Jeff:|| Hey. Hey! What the hell are you guys doin'?!
||David:||Oh, hey Jeff. Rodgers read an article about how electroshock therapy can help people who've gone through traumatic experieinces. We figured some treatments could help Mexican Joker deal with his trauma.
||Jeff:||Are you guys completely stupid?! We can't perform shock therapy on every child that comes in here! Think of the bodgetary restraints!
||David:||To hell with the costs, Jeff! If Mexican Joker doesn't have flashbacks, the nhe doesn't grow up to be a monster!
||Jeff:||What if this IS the flashback?! We might be IN the flashback, Dave! Maybe you're shocking the child that grows up to be Mexican Joker! [Rodgers takes over and zaps the boy]
||David:||[distraught] Oh God! I don't know which way is up anymore!
||Jeff:||We can't fight this guy alone, Dave. It's time to alert the military.
||[Texas detention center clinic. The lights are out and most of the kids are asleep. Kyle and Cartman sleep back to back, but Cartman stands up and sings, and Kyle gets annoyed.]
||Cartman:||Don't it feel like the wind is always howlin'? Don't it seem like there's never any light? Santa never comes for me. Santa Claus no está aquí. [Kyle takes his aluminum sheet, goes to a wall and wraps himself up in the sheet, then rests against that wall. Cartman follows him] Aw, come on, Kyle. I know it's no fun to be in here, but you can't think about yourself. Think about the greater good. [thinks a moment] Now, when you don't like people, you can have then taken from their families and put into camps. Why does that make you [gasps in realization] Ohhh my God. Ohhh Jesus, Kyle. I've totally forgotten you're a... Of coures, you're extra sensitive to this stuff. Oh, dude, I'm so sorry. [Kyle takes his sheet and leaves the wall.] Oh, my God, Kyle. I didn't even make the connection, you know? I was just like, Oh, I'm gonna have Kyle thrown into a detention camp. That'll be sweet," and I didn't stop to think that... for you guys... it's not that sweet. Man, if I had just thought it through for like, two more minutes, I would have got you back some other way. I feel terrible, Kyle.
||Kyle:||Wait. I have an idea how to get everyone out of here. Get everyone's aluminum foil and some scissors.
||Cartman:||Why, Kyle? What are you gonna do with-
||Kyle:||Just do it before I kill you!
||Cartman:||Aluminum foil and some scissors. [walks off to collect them]
||[A couple washing dishes in their own kitchen. ]
||Husband:||That was a great dinner, honey.
||Wife:||What do you wanna do for dessert?
||Husband:||Hey! How about I cut us down some of our homegrown weed and we get baked?
||Wife:||I'm in. [the husband walks out to the backyard for some weed and hears some noise. In the shadows, Randy sneaks away]
||Husband:||Is someonoe there? [no other sound is heard] Huh. [walks to his weed and pulls out a knife to cut some down]
||Wife:||Jack? Everything alright?
||Jack:||Yeah. You want a normal size, or a big fatty? [the weed explodes and rips him to bits] Aa-
||Wife:||JAACK! [a series of explosions follow throughout the neighborhood]
||News Anchor:||A brutal act of terror in an American town. Tonight, innocent people were attacked at their homes, in their yards, and the FBI believes they know who is responsible. The proble suspect? Mexican Joker. [shows dread] Uhuh. Yeah, that's right. Joining me now is Commander Miller of National Defense.
||Cmdr Miller:||We've only recently learned of Mexican Joker's existence.
||News Anchor:||Waa huhaugh.
||Cmdr Miller:||He has no reason. He has no compassion.
||Cmdr Miller:||Meican Joker simply wants to invoke fear.
||Cmdr Miller:||We are advising people to stay inside!
||News Anchor:||Uh, look. Captain, uh... Captain, what made Mexican Joker this way? Why is Mexican Joker so... filled with hate?
||Cmdr Miller:||Well, it's most likely something that happened to him as a child. Whatever bent Mexican Joker's mind this way, it clearly happened a... long... long time ago. [the new break dissolves into the Texas detention center, and Jeff is at his desk]
||Jeff:||Oh shit, it's the flashback!
||David:||This is the flashback?!
||Jeff:||It's the flashback! Come on! something must be happening with the kids! [the agents rush to the sleepiing area and see a gathering] Oh Christ, look!
||Kyle:||Chema Israel Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai ehad. ["Hear, Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is One."]
||Jeff:||He's converted them all to Judaism!
||Kids:||Chema Israel Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai ehad. ["Hear, Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is One."]
||Jeff:||Oh Jesus, they're all Jews with their little aluminum foil yarmulkes!
||David:||Jeff, you know what this means? Now we'll have to let them all go! This is how Mexican Joker breaks free!
||Jeff:||Hey, that's right. It is. [takes out a pistol and shoots both David and Rodgers in the head, then shoots another agent inside the sleeping area. All three agents die]
||Jeff:||[pulls our his key ring and funbles for the right key] Mexican Joker, I just want you to remember that I helped you. Jeff Corrigan. Remember, Jeff was your buddy. Now, come on! Let's go, Mexican Joker! [unlocks the gate]
||Kyle:||Goddamnit, nobody here is Mexican Joker! That's not what I meant! The future is not set! We make decisions now that affect out future!
||Jeff:||Nobody here is Mexican Joker?
||Jeff:||Oh, then I'm in the wrong flashback. [run off and out of the center, kills a couple of more guards, hops into a car and drives away. The kids listen to the whole thing]
||[Tegridy Farms, dawn. The family is havign breakfast. Randy paces around the table and takes a seat between Sharon and Stan]
||Randy:||Well, gang. Looks like Tegridy Farms is turning big profits again. We're on our way to becoing the biggest weed brand in the country. I'm not getting pushed around now, you got it? So go on. Anybody here wants to call me a towel, just go ahead and do it! Go on, Sharon. Call me a towel.
||Sharon:||Fine. You're a towel. [gets up and walks away]
||Randy:||Best towel you ever had, bitch!
||[End of Mexican Joker.]